Saturday, 2 May 2009

Flag Protocol

This is the flag of Israel. Pretty, isn't it?



Below, I shall attempt to describe a curious local custom, the ritualistic abuse of the Flag of Israel, which commmences right about now and lasts until just before Yom Kipur.

(1) Acquire a flag. This is easy. Most newspapers give one away just before Independence Day. One does not actually purchase a flag unless one is both an Olim and a Frier.

(2) Hang said flag from most visible upstairs window, balcony or other ultra-observable spot. Visible patriotism is the point behind this, after all. (Discount Johnson's aphorism about patriotism and scoundrels; this only applies to those who find the need to fly flags indoors, and to pose for photographs with said flag fluttering in the background. Here's one example:)



(3) Forget about the flag. Allow it to be browned by the bonfires of Lag B'Omer and barbeques of the long hot summer, bleached by the sun and buffeted by the Khamseen winds. It matters not. The Flag of Israel was designed to withstand all forms of abuse.

(4) In early September, realise that the line between passive-agressive patriotism and ritual desecration has not only been crossed, but obliterated. Remove rag-formerly-known-as-the-Flag-of-Israel under cover of darkness, wrap in an opaque bag and bury at the bottom of the communal dustbin. Curse the government and all its agencies (no reason - that's the great thing about freedom of speech). Vow to emmigrate to Canada or New Zealand.

(4) Repeat next year and ad nauseum, or until the Messiah arrives.

3 comments:

Adam E. said...

Brilliant...

G said...

There is a much more widely practiced abuse of the Israeli flag, and that is of the small car flag you attach to your car's window. The abuse goes as follows:

1. Buy a car flag from a street vendor.
2.attach the flag to your window by closing the window on the flag's plastic flap.

3. After 10 minutes, forget the flag is there.

4. Next time you open your window while driving, the flag flys out and drops in the middle of the road, where it will be run over by cars until the garbage collectors pick up its remains.

Goy said...

Thank you.