The Goy's Guide to Israel

Diplomatic niceties

2010-03-02T08:55:00.002+02:00

Zion Evrony, Israel's ambassador to Ireland isn't the most liked man in the Emerald Isles, it would seem.

Putting aside the passport theft business for a moment, he's faced other bits and pieces of local resistance recently. A month ago, a mini row was prompted by the decision of a local council to invite him to a local reception. The moving force appears to be Sinn Fein (just in case you're not up to speed with the politics in that part of the world, the political wing of the apparently defunct terrorist/militant/resistance [take your pick] organisation, the IRA), as this press release indicates.

Now, as reported on Ynet today, the Council have decided to remove Evrony's entry in the council's visitor's book. The Irish Foreign Minister, whilst noting his disapproval of Israeli policies in the territories, does make a useful point about the farrago:

"...However, it is a basic principle of relations between States that we treat each other's diplomatic representatives with civility and respect, regardless of any policy differences. To do otherwise would seriously undermine the ability of states to conduct international relations."

Does anyone think that Avigdor and Danny Ayalon are listening?

Elsewhere, a local Irish newspaper report likens the 'affair' to an episode out of Father Ted.

You haven't watched Father Ted? Poor you. Here's a clip from Ireland's best export, after Guinness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT9xuXQjxMM

Unfortunately, I can't embed this link. On the plus side, the whole episode - The Passion of St Tibulus - is available elsewhere.

Father Ted - S01E03 - The Passion of St. Tibulus

Tennis in Dubai

2010-02-19T08:08:00.006+02:00

Israeli female Tennis number 1, Shahar Peer was barred from playing in the Dubai Open a year ago - I blogged about it here.

Following the justified fuss about the matter, the Dubai authorities had no option but to issue her a visa and allow her into the country to take part this year.

Now, if you've been paying attention to the news over the last few days, you might be aware of the fuss that (allegedly) Israeli Mossad operatives have caused in Dubai, with the assassination of a top Hamas-nik.

Irrespective of all the speculation, Israel's official position - such as it is - can be summed up by Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman's statement of "official ambiguity" in relation to the Mossad's involvement - or not - in the matter.

Fair enough - but this position seems to be wilfully undermined somewhat by a tweet on Twitter by the Israeli Embassy in the United Kingdom: "You heard it here first: Israeli tennis player carries out hit on Dubai target".

According to the Guardian story, the tweet apparently refers to Ms Peer beating the No. 1 seed in this year's Dubai Open and proceeding to the quarter finals of the tournament, as the attached link reports.

Apparently. And they wonder why Hasbara doesn't work.

Side issue: I'm I the only person to notice the startling physical resemblance between Meir Dagan, head of Israel's Mossad, and George Costanza, the hapless fictional star of American TV programme Seinfeld? Readers, we deserve to be told the truth...

One State, One People...

2010-02-17T20:58:00.002+02:00

Tzipi Hotovely (Likud) made a name for herself on Saturday evening political programme "The Council of Wisemen" - Moetzet HaHakhamim - before becoming the youngest member of the current Knesset. The program - as do most political programmes in Israel - involves a lot of shouting, which no doubt prepared her well for her present position, as the youngest member of the current Parliament - she's just 31.

But I digress.

Speaking at the Jerusalem Conference on Tuesday, she came up with a - for a right-leaning MK - startling suggestion regarding the issue of Israel's inchoate borders:

"We should consider giving them (the Arab citizens of the West Bank) citizenship..."

Actually, I've changed my mind: It isn't a startling opinion for a right leaning MK, it is a startling opinion for any MK, except perhaps the members of Hadash. But before one gets too excited, she tempers her comments somewhat.

"...on condition that we legislate a Basic law that Israel remains a Jewish State. They will then at best have a 30% minority. We must then embark on a national mission to bring another million Jews to Israel from the West."

The full article is in the Jpost, here.

Maybe I'll loiter about for a bit after all...

2010-02-12T08:30:00.002+02:00

...but less of my whiny parsing and editorialising. Israel is far too an interesting a place not to write and blog about, after all. That said, I am acutely aware of my lack of knowledge and awareness about all sorts of things in this odd little corner of the world: Far better that I watch and learn, rather than bury myself in the cesspit of "opinion".

(And thank for the kind comments after the last post.)

So, I think that for the present, I'll use the blog as a receptacle for the interesting, the absurd and the out and out ridiculous stuff that I come across on the web and elsewhere. But I'll let you, dear reader, decide which is which.

I'll start off with a piece by Times feature writer Hugo Rifkind (son of MP and Tory grandee Sir Malcolm, not that this should matter very much) about his first visit to Ramallah, courtesy of Israeli advocacy group BICOM.

"I gather that Ramallah isn't exactly typical of the West Bank, but even so it's a total voyeuristic disappointment. I don't know if I have the heart to tell him (a Jewish relative who lives down the road in Jerusalem)."

The full piece is here.

Have a good weekend.

Hello, goodbye

2010-02-07T14:43:00.002+02:00

It's stopped being fun, and started to feel quite narcissistic. Writing a blog is an excellent way of keeping track of my thoughts: The problem is that it doesn't actually do very much by way of figuring out what other people are thinking, or whether my tuppence worth has any chance whatsoever of influencing the wider discourse.

Actually, I'm jaded with so called "social media" in general: there is a lot of excellent potential waiting to be tapped, but generally - and there are a number of notable exceptions, I must say - it's all about "Me, Me, Me..."

I'll keep the page open for a while. I may find a couple of amusing things to post. Or I may even change my mind, who knows?

But thanks for reading. It was fun writing this blog, and it is always a privilege to be told that occasionally I do make sense.

Take care.

I'm cold

2009-12-30T10:20:00.004+02:00

...so cold. At least, after the miserable weather in London this week, *winter* in Tel Aviv will be a welcome change.

Leaving Ben Gurion last week:

Stern Faced Child Playing At Security Expert (leafing through my British passport): What is the origin of your name?

Me: Nigerian

SFCPASE (Eyebrows raised): Algerian?

Me: No, Nigerian

SFCPASE: What language do you speak with your siblings at home?

I was tempted to tell her to watch Entourage, to get an idea of the potty language that we use. But instead, I humoured her by assuring her that we don't speak Arabic. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see an olive skinned type being escorted decorously to an inner sanctum...

No point going into the pros and cons of ethnic profiling: I have my views, and others have theirs. So be it. But I do object to surly, incompetent small children with no discernible skills other than the capacity to regurgitate stock phrases and questions - I can recite them by heart, and have actually pre-empted them by finished them off once or twice, just so we could get over the preliminaries and move on to taking my luggage apart - determining whether I am a security risk or not. I gather that the job is poorly paid, and many of the petulant children are actually moonlighting students, looking to earn a few extra bucks between classes.

Good for them: but as someone said told me once: pay peanuts, get monkeys. They really don't make me feel any safer, to be quite honest...

Meanwhile, whilst I've been freezing my butt off here in London, some stupid sorry-arsed incompetent Nigerian tried to blow himself up on a plane. As if the *good* name of our country hasn't been dragged through the mud enough already... Amidst all the hand wringing about how he evaded no-fly lists and security to actually get to Detroit, I rather suspect that flying back to Ben Gurion tonight is going to be no fun at all. British passport or not.

I may be gone some time...

A few things

2009-12-21T09:18:00.004+02:00

...before I bugger off on holiday:

(Yeah, I should be packing. But I think Mrs Goy has done it all for me. I hope Mrs Goy has done it all for me...)

To be quite honest, the return of the "Organ Harvesting" row doesn't particularly interest me. It's quite obvious that tampering with dead bodies, without the permission of their nearest and dearest, is pretty appalling. However, as the AFP report makes quite clear, this is something quite distinct from the big stink over the summer, following the story in Swedish newspaper Afton-Bladet: "The Channel 2 report said that in the 1990s, forensic specialists at Abu Kabir harvested skin, cornea, heart valves and bones from the bodies of Israeli soldiers, Israeli citizens, Palestinians and foreign workers, often without permission from relatives." Couldn't be clearer: another case of medical arrogance, something not at all limited to this crazy little part of the world. As an illustration, this should be rather instructive
Mind you - as a twit twitting on twitter pointed out last night: "If one's people have a blood libel hanging over one's head, one ought to think a little more carefully about what one does with the bodies of others..."
This interests me far more: A story in the Yeshiva World News about a woman in Ashdod asking the authorities to prosecute the city's chief Rabbi for contempt of court. The woman had applied for a Hechsher - Kosher certification - for her restaurant: The Rabbinate declined. The woman sued in the High Court: The court found in her favour. But the Rabbinate still resisted. The problem, it seems, is that she is a Messianic Jew - a Jew for Jesus. Them lot are not terribly popular in this part of the world, for some odd reason. The talk backs for the article are quite illuminating, as well as entertaining. And that's something I rarely say, since I genuinely believe that the talkback facility is only good for keeping the clearly unwell off the streets. There is a bit more background to the story here: If this blows up - as I suspect it will, if the High Court sticks to its guns - it is going to provoke a very interesting debate about the muddled mix between synagogue and state in Israel.
(For the record: I should say that I believe, firmly, in freedom of religion. I also believe in freedom from religion.)
Didi Remez - whom, as far as I can tell, is the only person ever to work in PR with anything approximating a human conscience - runs an interesting blog called Coteret. His argument, essentially, is that the English speaking press in Israel - which many foreign journalists, as well as people living outside Israel and with an interest in Israel, rely upon - is scandalously limited. Ha'aretz's English language edition and Yediot's English language website only translate a small percentage of all their news stories; jpost has an editorial slant which means that a lot of juicy stories pass it by. (I should say that I have a soft spot for two of these three outlets, but I agree with this assessment). So, to redress the balance and educate the Hebrew-challenged public, he translates stories in the Hebrew Press - Ma'ariv, Yediot, Globes and more - that he thinks have a significant public interest quotient.
At the moment, he is working on one man's campaign to overturn the traditional obfuscation of the IDF's spokesperson Unit. Matti Golan, a columnist with Globes, decided to take up the IDF on a classic example of saying very much without saying anything at all - the story of a politician clearing an enhanced Army pension, even though his actual service was seriously circumscribed - with surprising results. Remez, after his translation, makes an interesting editorial point: "For civilian deaths, even those of children, a common IDF reply is along the lines of 'the (soldiers) felt threatened and fired at suspects', and except for a few exceptions that prove the rule, that is the end of any investigative journalism. Imagine the change if every foreign bureau chief or Israeli defence correspondent, took the Golan approach and really looked into the death of even on of every fifty or a hundred dead children. That's how oversight works - even the slight chance of exposure causes a tremendous change in behaviour." And so it should be.
An interesting story from the BBC, this time about organ donation. Apparently, a law has been passed (or is about to be: I should check, but I'm already de-mob happy and refuse to do anything else in the name of 'research') granting Israeli organ donor cards the right to priority medical treatment, should they require an organ transplant. Now, I've carried a Donor card all my adult life, and I always will: I accept that there is a very slim chance that any of my organs will be good for anything in the case of my untimely demise, but on the off chance...quite seriously though, whilst I think that organ donation is pretty important, I'm not sure that this is the way to coerce people into going about it. In England, I think they now have the 'presumed consent' approach, which is to assume that one is happy to donate one's organs to science in the case of ones death unless explicit instructions to the contrary are made. Whilst I'm still not entirely comfortable with that either, it seems a better path to take. Prioritising health care on the basis of criteria such as this seems inequitable, at best.
In any case, organ donor card or not, who knows whether the Israeli medical authorities will want my innards, anyway? I'm not allowed to donate blood in Israel, a consequence of the BSE/Mad Cow diseases outbreaks in the UK in the mid-90s; aside from that, there are documented cases of medical professionals discarding blood donated by Ethiopians, because they worried - without any evidence - that it might be tainted by all sorts of unpleasant things.
I was about to look up a link for the latter point, but I've just realised that Mrs Goy didn't pack for me. Her argument is that since she isn't going on holiday with me, she sees no reason why she should sort out my luggage. So she only did the Small Noisy One's suitcase, and now has swanned off to work. Wives! I tell you...
As any Hebrew speaker would be able to tell you, the word for 'owner' and 'husband' are the same in the language. So, to say 'my husband' is the same as saying 'my owner'. A civilised position that I fully agree with. However, Mrs Goy, feminist that she is, seems to have other ideas.

Right. I am off.

This time next week

2009-12-18T20:23:00.003+02:00

...strikes by British Airways cabin crew allowing, I'll be in London following a time honoured Christian tradition in the United Kingdom - getting drunk in front of Eastenders, after eating way too much of my mother's Jollof Rice and Turkey.

Nice.

I'd always kind of wondered what Jews do on Christmas Day. And then Saturday Night Live came to the rescue.*

*Metropolitan New York only.

Bah, Humbug

2009-12-14T20:37:00.003+02:00

...used to be the preserve of the Christian-leaning world - you know, the miserable old geezer who pisses over everyone's parade each year by pointing out that Jesus was probably born in October, or that the incongruities in the accounts in the four Gospels makes it at least likely that they were narrated, long after the fact, on the 1st Century equivalent of Facebook. Assuming that there was a Jesus, of course...

Anyway, I'd always kind of assumed, in a not-terribly-interested way, that Jewish history was kinda immune from this sort of scandalous ex post facto re-interpretation: I mean, you guys can trace your direct lineage back several millennia, no?

Apparently not. This year, the designated Scrooge who ruined Channukah is NYT columnist David Brooks, whom in typically dry and reasoned manner chucks all sorts of things at the nice and cuddly Channukah story of resistance and oil lasting 8 days and Nes Gadol and stuff like that. The link to the article is here (and for once, I recommend taking the time to read through the talkbacks; some of them are, unintentionally, hilarious), but here's a sample of Mr Brooks humbuggery (I get the feeling that I made this word up, but it's late and I'm too tired to look for a dictionary)

The Maccabees are best understood as moderate fanatics. They were not in total revolt against Greek culture. They used Greek constitutional language to explain themselves. They created a festival to commemorate their triumph (which is part of Greek, not Jewish, culture). Before long, they were electing their priests.

On the other hand, they were fighting heroically for their traditions and the survival of their faith. If they found uncircumcised Jews, they performed forced circumcisions. They had no interest in religious liberty within the Jewish community...

I could be mean and point out some pretty obvious parallels with the situation today, but I won't. Not in keeping with the spirit of the season and all that...

Whilst on the topic of 'false' myths, I've just started reading Shlomo Sand's The Invention of the Jewish People. To be honest, I didn't expect very much - I assumed that it would be either a book with a few kernels of interesting fact buried under a landside of academic drivel

(academics, as a general rule, can't write for shit: this, more than anything else, explains the enduring popularity of Malcolm Gladwell. But, as ever, I digress...

- but, so far (p40-ish) it has proven refreshingly readable. Dunno if his conclusions - which caused a bit of a stink here, when the book was published in Hebrew a year and a half ago - will stand up to scrutiny; I remember that one of the criticisms levelled against him was that he was a common-or-garden-variety political historian, and thus had no business loitering in the sacred halls of classical Jewish History. Still, a well written book means that at the very least I'll follow it through to the end, rather than chucking it aside in exasperation before I've cracked the spine properly. I'll try and remember to keep you, dear reader, posted in due course.

And now, back to my mission to taste every variety of Doughnut commercially available in Eretz Israel before the 8th Candle is lit. Reader, I may be gone some time...

Bring him home - Shalit, redux

2009-12-09T11:15:00.003+02:00

As a postscript to my musings yesterday, about the emotional and psychological significance of captured soldiers: an interesting article about the same subject by Ethan Bronner, NYT's man in Jerusalem.

One paragraph in particular caught my eye:

“These people, although they are murderers, do it for a political cause and even if they don’t represent a country they are being sent by a military organization that is our rival and one day will make peace with us,” Mr. Liel, the former diplomat, said. “They are not regular criminals. We know that sooner or later when we have a peace deal they will be released.”

Alon Liel, quoted above, used to be the DG - head of service - at the Foreign Ministry. It's not something you hear people saying in these parts every day, and I doubt that everyone subscribes to this notion. Still...

On Doughnuts, Gilad Shalit and other Chanukah Miracles

2009-12-08T14:14:00.003+02:00

When I lived in England, we used to run an ironic Christmas Tree Sweepstakes: the earliest confirmed date for spotting an erected Christmas Tree, indubitable evidence of the commercialisation of a sanctified family holiday (this bit always made me laugh - Christmas has always been commercial), cueing hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth in the petite bourgeois press, like The Mail. In Israel, I gather that the parallel cue is the sale of Sufganiot, Chanukah themed doughnuts. (I've talked about the link between fattening food and Chanukah before, here). For the record, I spotted my first Doughnut tray just after Sukkoth, a couple of months ago. Given the passage of time, I think the true miracle of Chanukah is that I still haven't had my first doughnut of the season. Mind you, it's a matter of necessity - If I'd started eating the wretched things in October, I'd look like one myself by now...
Just for the record: The earliest I'd ever spotted a Christmas tree was on August the 27th, at Selfridges. Quite frankly, it's moments like that make me pleased that I don't live in the UK any more. The thought of enduring a four month run up to Christmas, fake cheer and over-priced tat, Wham's Last Christmas and talk about the Xmas No1, fills me with horror...
Here, we don't have Christmas. Obviously. But there is Chanukah, and to get in the spirit, newspapers tend to look for some feel-good story to cheer the Jewish State up. Something that can be chalked up as a modern day Chanukah Miracle. Usually quite risible, but hey...
This year, however, there is talk about a genuine Chanukah Miracle - the release of Gilad Shalit, the Israeli soldier captured and held by Hamas for the last 3-odd years. There have been a lot of hopes raised and dashed since his capture; but talk about his imminent release have reached a crescendo in the last fortnight, with rumours that a deal has been arranged, that he's been moved to Egypt, that doctors have examined him to ensure that he is in good condition...hell, even Jonathan Pollard has got in on the act.
But - and for once, I'm not being facetious - I don't think it is going to happen.
Think about it this way; Hamas - as did Hezbollah, before them - kidnap Israeli soldiers for propaganda, rather than pragmatic purposes. Let's face it: in general terms, the capture of a few odd soldiers serves no strategic purpose whatsoever. But they do recognise the important psychological impact that it has on the Israel populace, of the capture of a soldier - or, as is more often the case, the holding over of the remains of a dead soldier.
This psychological importance thing, I'm not sure I totally understand entirely. It seems an aggregation of all sorts of things. Perhaps I'll think about it another time. Anyway, the point is that it exists, and that Hamas recognises this state of mind. Thus, its efforts to exchange Corporal Shalit for about 1,000 Palestinian prisoners. And the argument isn;t whether it is a fair swap in itself, but whether a very small minority of the prisoners should be freed because they have "blood on their hands."
So, unless they have completely misjudged the Israeli public sentiment - and I doubt they have, even though Hamas tends to believe what it wants about the "Zionist entity", rather than what is true - there is no way on earth that they are going to award the Israeli public a genuine Chanukah miracle on a platter. It just ain't gonna happen.
So, Shalit's poor parents will continue to wait and hope whilst their son continues to be used as a political football by all sorts of scum, pond life and career politicians. And the newspapers will find another Chanukah miracle.
I've broken. I've just had my first doughnut. God, it tastes good.
And there's this. Can't say I'm surprised.
Time for another doughnut. I'll go back to running in the New Year. Hopefully.

Being Jew-ish

2009-11-30T09:07:00.005+02:00

What does it mean to be, like, Jewish? On the one hand, it seems straightforward enough - matrilineal descent and all that. On the other, it does seem at times a rather complicated matter. Certainly, I for one would struggle to find anything in common between the nice young men (only men, mind - women stay at home and do the dishes) who've been chucking stones at the Intel Building over the last couple of weekends, and the very nice young women (there are men too, but they don't immediately concern me) who spend the Sabbath soaking up the sun on Tel Aviv's beaches.

More seriously though, it is obvious a vexatious issue, as the Jewish brethren in England have found out recently, prompted by - of all things - school admission policies.

Perhaps one way around it is by creating a sub-group - people whom identify as Jew-ish, rather than Jewish, as the journalist Jonathan Margolis expounds on at length in today's Guardian.

Margolis is, in some ways, whom I'd like to be when I finally get round to growing up - an engaging and perceptive writer with the capacity to soften provocative opinion with wry humour. He starts off light, with a bit of self-deprecating stuff:

"For us, the cool thing about being born a Jew is you can do it as much or as little, as well or as badly, as you like. You can be professional, amateur or pro-am. This understandably pissed off the pros, who marry a fellow full-timer, know all the stuff in the manual and keep up with the latest fads."

...before dipping into deeper territory.

"I don't pretend any of what I've experiences is more than an inconvenience, an irritant in the scheme of racist things, but at school in the 60s and 70s I was still physically beaten and tormented by larger boys...the reason for the violence was, apparently, that we Jews were at the same time unacceptably rich and flashy and unacceptably poor and miserly. It was, I see now, a writ-small version of the confused Nazi paradigm of the Jew as both arch-capitalist and arch-communist."

There's a link to the full article here.

Flight plan

2009-11-29T10:53:00.004+02:00

I have to fly through Ben Gurion International Airport next week. Oh Joy...

Quite seriously: The security checks are little more than an irritation these days - if nothing else, I find it vaguely amusing (albeit, if I am to be honest, also a little troubling) that the pre-pubescent security officials see fit to waste as much time as they do on me. One day, they may get to understand that crude ethnic profiling doesn't work...

A friend sent me this the other day. I'm not entirely certain that it is based on the Israeli Airport Experience, but it isn't far off...

1983 from Modi on Vimeo.

Why 1983? Because it is one year away from 1984, I suppose...

Elsewhere: Wired Magazine, via the blog of a young woman called Lily Sussman, report that the MacBook's hard drive is capable of withstanding gunshot damage. How do they know? Because the nice fellows in charge of the Israel's security decided that it was a security risk and put three bullets through it. Charming...(there's another report in The Marker)

Macheads, the Movie

2009-11-28T21:40:00.004+02:00

I've used a Mac for about three years. I switched from PCs mainly because of the iPod, a hypothetical gadget come to life, a toy that I'd had wet dreams over about since I was about 8 years old. The Mac family of lifestyle/productivity tools are cool toys; they also attract an unlikely, unwieldy community of smug 'uns too.

It wasn't always thus, mind. For a long while, Apple Computers were kept afloat mainly by the devotion of dedicated tech-heads who actually cared about what went on inside a computer, rather than what it looked like or the assumptions one could make by association...

Apple computers thrived on this community - until they discovered that there were better profit margins in nice gizmos like the iPod, the iPhone and the soon-to-revolutionise-the-world-iTablet. So they dropped the word 'computer' from their corporate name and ditched the weirdos whom had kept the flame burning...

Filmmakers Kobi and Ron Shely made a interesting documentary about the story of the cult of Mac, MacHeads, a year ago. It premiered at Mac Expo last January, and has broadly speaking been reviewed quite warmly. I quite enjoyed it too. (Full disclosure - The Brothers Shely are related to Mrs Goy).

It's surprisingly sensitive - it would have been very easy to turn the film into a freak show -underpinned by a serious consideration of Apple's corporate strategy. Anyway, MacHeads is on at the Cinematheque in Tel Aviv this Tuesday at 10. Worth a peek. Here's the trailer.

ps - my hard drive died on me three weeks ago. Nonetheless, I still love my (newly refurbished) Mac. The whole Windows Vista argument had passed me by until I tried to use Mrs Goy's PC...

Talk Show Blues

2009-11-27T07:45:00.002+02:00

...so you have a bit of time on your hands, it's late at night, perhaps you've had a drink or two. The radio is on and some angry men (they are usually men - women write letters) are shouting at each other. They think they're having a rational, lucid conversation. They're not, of course: it's entertainment. Welcome to the world of late night talk radio.

But then you get carried away. Someone says something you don't like. And before you know it, you've picked up the phone and you're dialing away...

Radio talk shows thrive on controversy, testosterone and the complete incapacity of man to hold his fellow man in anything other than the deepest contempt. Without these shouting heads, the format would be dead. It thrives on provocation and overstatement.

So pity poor Eli Barak of Ramat Gan, who thought he was playing by the rules when he called Nissim Cohen, of Bnei Barak, a "bum who didn't serve in the Army."

Unfortunately for him, Cohen, a 'rightist' (whatever that means) did serve in the Army. And Cohen decided to sue Barak (obviously, a 'leftist') for libel. the result? NIS 40 000 in damages, plus a written apology. The full story is here.

I actually found the article rather fascinating, opening up an illicit new world that I scarcely knew existed. Of serial talkbackers (incidentally - someone tells me that 'talkbacker' is a uniquely English-Israeli word, or at least originated here. Can anyone confirm or refute?), radio show participants/provocateurs and the like. The penultimate paragraph of the article seems to sum the phenomena up quite succinctly.

"The respective talk show hosts are tired of airing the same speakers again and again. the participants, who want to talk a lot, all the time, are forced to seek other outlets, such as talkbacks or Big Brother."

The article then quotes a chap called Zur, described as an "obsessive radio listener":

"I've been to two auditions," says Zur. "I told them people talk nonsense on those radio shows. I want to talk politics, to blast people (I didn't realise the two activities were mutually compatible, but there you go). They took me for a four-hour simulation with 16 other people. You won't believe what morons were there. What ignorance. There's no one to talk to."

Frankly, it sounds like they all deserve one another.

Have a good weekend, post-Thanksgiving and/or Eid.

Eatliz

2009-11-25T19:23:00.003+02:00

They were on at the Barby last night. Couldn't make it, sadly - someone was picked (against his will) to be childcare for the evening.

Their music is worth checking out IMHO: their website is here

Oh dear

2009-11-25T08:48:00.002+02:00

From the Ynetnews website: Alert civilian at Tel Aviv Port spots government agent planting dummy bomb near vehicle as part of training course. Panic ensues as alarmed police officials unaware of exercise evacuate area; three employees suspended over incident.

The full comedy of errors is here.

A slight digression: I wonder whether Khaled Mashaal's feet dragging over the Gilad Shalit prisoner swap might in some way be connected to the fact that Bibi once tried to have him wiped out. It didn't work out as it happens, mainly because the Mossad agents sent to do the deed were as competent as the fellow above...

Enforced absence was the result of my Mac's hard drive dying on me. I had no idea it was possible to form such a close relationship with an inanimate object...

And if you thought that the newspapers were bad...

2009-11-04T10:10:00.003+02:00

Shahar Golan posted this on his frgdr.com blog a couple of weeks ago.

It is an interview with Ada Yonath, Professor of Chemistry at Machon Weizmann, and who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Chemistry last month.

Or two interviews with Prof. Yonath

Or one.

As you'll see from the clip, Yonath was interviewed on Channel 10's evening news programme by Miki Haimovich. The interview was then lightly repackaged, and rebroadcast as new the next morning, making it seem that she was being interviewed anew by the breakfast show hosts, Haim Etgar and Sivan Cohen.

It might seem like a small thing. It is Channel 10's content, after all?

I disagree. Nothing would have been lost by re-broadcasting the original interview, Haimovitch and all, the next morning. Except the veneer of 'exclusivity'.

More to the point, I think that this is only a small step away from creating subtlely different questions to fit the answers that Prof. Yonath had helpfully provided earlier.

Which is only a short hop and skip away from creating radically different questions to fit Prof Yonath's answers - and misrepresenting her in the process, of course.

I don't think it is a small thing. If I'd wanted entertainment of this nature, I'd go take out a Woody Allen film. To be honest, I find it rather patronising. Perhaps the editors at Channel 10 rate their viewers so lowly as to think that they can only engage with the news if it is live and direct? It's that 24 Hour rolling news thing again...

Okay, I'm being a grouch this morning. I promise that my next post will be more positive.

Again, hat tip to frgdr.com for pointing out the chicanery on the part of Channel 10.and setting up the clip. I didn't notice it. I mean, it isn't like I'd be paying attention to the news in Hebrew...

Newspapers

2009-11-02T22:10:00.005+02:00

I read a lot, but I stopped getting a daily newspaper quite a while ago: I no longer see the point, to be quite honest. For one thing, newspapers lost the battle against 24 hour news channels quite a while ago,

(incidentally, I loathe rolling news channels...well, that's not entirely true. I have a love/hate/hate relationship with them, I suppose. I always come away from half an hour with Sky News or BBC feeling slightly less informed than I was previously. Maybe it's just me, grey cells corroding and all that...)

and for another, the wonders of the World Wide Web mean that I can get pretty much anything I want, gratis

(although Mr Murdoch seems determined to change that)

but this aside, the truth is that - in the news sections, at least - there is rarely anything worth reading. Straightforward news accounts are generally rather scanty, and more often than not are not followed up, leaving the curious reader with the duty to go get his detailed stuff elsewhere. Opinion and thinly-veiled partisan commentary generally trump sober analysis and fact; and, a lot of the time, new reports are plucked from the same general sources - Reuters, AP, AFP - and gently recycled and spun according to the whims and inclinations of the outlet.

(On the last point, it's worth reading Nick Davies' excellent Flat Earth News. You'll never look at a newspaper the same way again, I promise you...)

A couple of contemporary examples from Eretz Yisrael:

Goldstone: Has effectively become a football game, with the press merely keeping score. The fundamental questions have been lost beneath what is charmingly referred to as the PR War.

The Amnesty report on the (mis)use of Palestinian water resources: Even if one accepts every word to be true...it just ain't news. It hasn't been news for years. As proof, I recommend reading Bernard Wasserstein's Israel & Palestine, particularly pp 80 - 97. Covers pretty much the same ground, in cool and coherent language...and was published six years ago.

Maybe I'm just getting cantankerous and crochety as I ease belly first into middle-age...

Anyway, these days I get a paper just at the weekend, which keep me happy for the week. The supplements, thankfully, run to different deadline priorities; write ups tend to have more of a consistence and narration-al coherency to them, I think. It's pretty easy, I think, to bullshit with 500 words, but it becomes much more difficult with 2500.

And I subscribe to a couple of magazines...

There's an interesting piece in this weeks New Yorker about Gaza, Gilad Shalit and the Guys in Green. Long enough to remind us of the historical antecedents to the sorry state of affairs down south at the moment. No one comes out of it looking good. Worth reading.

On a completely unrelated note: Is there any chance of someone getting the rain to, like, stop? I know I sound ungrateful and all, but my clothes are all wet, I can't do the laundry and I have to dash out for a cigarette between breaks in the rain that's been thundering down since Friday. Most inconsiderate.

On the good side, the Sukkah has come down. Not quite sure how - perhaps the wind dismantled it - but frankly, I don't care. As someone said once, Mission Accomplished.

Somehow, I think I'm going to regret saying that.

Walt Whitman - O Captain! My Captain!

2009-10-29T11:22:00.003+02:00

1 O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!	5
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

2 O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;	10
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,	15
You’ve fallen cold and dead.

3 My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;	20
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Whitman wrote this poem after the assassination of Abraham Lincoln; it was translated into Hebrew by poet and songwriter Naomi Shemer; she dedicated it to the memory of Yitzhak Rabin after his assassination, 14 years ago tonight (following the Hebrew calender).

Quick follow up to my last post about immigration "policy".

2009-10-21T14:13:00.002+02:00

From Ynetnews.com: A report composed by the Knesset Research and Information Center accuses the government for having a failed enforcement policy, a conflict of interest and lacking implementation of decisions regarding the handling of foreign workers...the report determines that "the State of Israel has no immigration policy, no regulated policy towards foreign workers, asylum seekers, illegal aliens, and human trafficking victims (Emphasis mine). In each of these cases there are laws and regulations; however these are established as a response to certain events, and not as a result of a planned and organized discussion."

The full news report is here

The English website for the Knesset's Research and Information Centre is here: the report hasn't been translated into English - and probably won't be for a while - but the website is an interesting resource, and worth looking at regardless.

The Land of Oz

2009-10-20T14:16:00.002+02:00

A Jpost article about the efficacy of Operation Oz: apparently, they've deported 700 illegal migrants, and consider themselves responsible for the voluntary repatriation of another 2400. One sentence in the report caught my eye: "As part of their daily routine, Oz inspectors have continued to patrol the country's migrant-worker concentrations, mainly in southern Tel Aviv, to pick up the illegal residents, arrest them and if possible, expel them from the country the same day." (Italics mine).

I'm not sure if this is legal or not, and I certainly think that at the least, it raises issues about due process: but I'm pretty sure that most European countries would love to be able to behave the same way...

Also in Jpost: an article highlighting the concerns of residents in South Tel Aviv's Hatikva neighbourhood to the continued presence of the migrant workers and illegal immigrants (isn't it interesting, how hardly anyone bothers to distinguish between the one and the other?) in their 'hood.

I don't agree with their conclusions, but I sympathise with their predicament. For as long as the government refuses to instigate a comprehensive, coherent and fair policy on asylum, immigration and migration, tensions like these will continue to multiply.

In case you wondered: I think that there should be a consistent policy on migration (for non-Jews), including the right for long term migrants to remain as permanent residents; I think that there ought to be careful thought about the role of migrant workers in supporting the Israeli economy - it is no accident that farmers in the South protested yesterday about the difficulties that they face in employing staff to work on the fields, at wages that allow the farms to remain economically viable; and I think there should be a careful and thorough overhaul of the (non) process managing claims for asylum that exists at the moment.

It's pretty comfortable for unconscionable politicians to bundle all non-Jewish migrants into one amorphous mass, tar them all with the same brush and claim that they are an unwarranted burden on the state (not that the state spends much on asylum seekers, to start off with: in any case, migrant workers give far more back to the state than they can ever even dream of receiving); it is also convenient to claim that they are responsible for everything from the increase in crime rates and the spread of communicable diseases to the threat of intermarriage and the increase in unemployment amongst native-born Israelis.

But it doesn't take much imagination or intelligence to figure out that the reality is far more complicated than this nice fairy tale. It's time to take off the green tinted spectacles; it's time to implement a fair, transparent and just immigration policy.

The Evil Genius of Israeli Advertising (again!)

2009-10-18T07:29:00.002+02:00

Advertisements in Israel often seem like a masterclass in provocation - whether by shooting a catalogue for a high-end fashion chain by the Separation Wall, by giving the phrase "water-cooler moment" an entirely different meaning (courtesy of Bar Rafaeli), or by proposing the rescue of inter-married Jews as an act of charity. (Speaking from a personal experience, I consider my marriage an act of charity - in my favour, obviously.)

According to today's Ha'aretz, this cheerful - or, perhaps, cheerfully cynical - exercise in fermenting public approbation may be about to hit a new high - or low, depending upon your perspective - courtesy of the benighted Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi.

"According to Antonello Zappadu, an Italian photographer from Sardinia who took pictures of Berlusconi in the company of half-naked female guests at the billionaire politician's Villa Certosa on the island's Costa Smeralda, a "very large advertising firm" in Israel has asked to purchase the rights to the photographs."

The correct thing to do, I suppose, would be to deplore the invasion of Berlusconi's privacy and dignity. On the other hand, I can't help but remember that his soon-to-be ex-wife cited his proclivity for "consorting with minors" in her decision to leave him; or the fact that his media empire is largely built on the same level of titillating nonsense. And that isn't even without beginning to go into the avalanche of gaffes, misogyny and general misanthropy with which he has deluded us over the years.

So I'm just going to snigger.

(ps - I've seen some of the pictures; the description "in the company of half naked female guests", whilst factually correct, is perhaps on the more benign side. )

One for the Weekend

2009-10-15T16:22:00.002+02:00

דפנה והעוגיות, or Daphna and the Cookies - or Daphna and the Biscuits, if you're a non-Yank like me. I wonder which translation they choose?

It matters not. Enjoy...

Memo to Eli Yishai: Never pick a fight

2009-10-14T07:31:00.003+02:00

...with defenceless women or small children: you can't come out of it looking good.

To be fair to MK and Interior Minister Yishai - and I never thought I'd find myself typing these words - the argument about the deportation of the children of foreign workers born in Israel is merely following the absurdity that passes for immigration policy in this country to its (il)logical conclusion.

Yishai says that it is necessary to deport the children because their continued presence "is liable to damage the state's Jewish identity, constitute a demographic threat and increase the danger of assimilation."

What on earth is the guy afraid of?

More to the point, I love the way he bandies about words like "Jewish Identity" whilst carefully avoiding the need to append any sort of actual definition to the phrase. He ought to try that sometime and see how far it gets him.

As it happens, I've always associated the phrase "Jewish Identity" with notions of charity, justice, Tikkun Olam and stuff. I'm a bit naive like that. This is not suggesting that the State of Israel should become overly charitable - or frierim, as some people may see it - and fling their borders open to the dispossessed whether they may be in the world. But it is about equity, fairness, an desire to actually engage with the complexities of a mess that was, not incidentally, created by previous Israeli governments.

Rather than - to appropriate a favourite quote - sticking one's head in the sand and exposing one's thinking parts.

(side issue - in other parts of the world, the argument against allowing children in similar circumstances to remain in their country of birth - if not nationality - normally revolves around the notion - spurious or not - that they are, or will be, a burden on the state. This isn't even part of the argument here. I hate to use words like this, but I think Yishai is a bigot. And the real problem is that he doesn't even realise it.)

Ken Loach Vs Israeli Film

2009-10-13T09:44:00.004+02:00

...isn't a big fan of Israeli cinema - or at least of Israeli film-makers, at least - as most of us know. Last summer, he forced the Edinburgh International Film Festival to return a grant of £300 - yup, a measly three digit grant - received from the Israeli Embassy in London as part sponsorship for the screening of Tali Shalom's film, Surrogate (the funds were made up elsewhere); he then withdrew his film, Looking For Eric, from the Melbourne International Film Festival because the curators refused to act likewise in respect of $9.99, adapted from Etgar Keret's short stories.

And he was up there on the ramparts in Toronto, supporting a boycott of the Toronto International Film Festival because it had "become part of the Israeli propaganda machine". Busy man.

Loach is a talented, if at times somewhat erratic film-maker from the socialist realist tradition; Kes, and the television docu-drama Cathy Come Home are genuine classics, even if his output has become a tad predictable and clichéd of late.

But the energies he has devoted to promoting the cultural boycott of Eretz Yisrael are somewhat misguided, I fear. To be fair, he does argue that his efforts are intended at marginalising the Israeli government, rather than its artistes; in an open letter to Ms Shalom, he wrote that "To be crystal clear: as a film maker you will receive a warm welcome in Edinburgh. You are not censored or rejected." But in practice, I'm not sure that he is able to distinguish the one from the other.

(Vanessa Redgrave, no cheerleader for Israel, sums up the contradictions in his approach quite lucidly here.)

But this is all old hat; why return to it now?

Because, according to ynetnews.com, Loach's distributor in Israel has decided to donate all the profits from his current film and the next to the distribution of Israeli films abroad. "I believe the way to fight the silencing – and there is no other way to define Loach's actions other then attempts to silence – is to ensure that the Israeli voice, the Israeli creativity that is so diverse and fascinating, be heard load and clear, in Israel and in the world," Nurit Shani, CEO of Lev Films announced last week, before the première screening of Loach's film at the Haifa International Film Festival. (gosh, all these international film festivals...)

Loach - and anyone else who really cares to know - should appreciate that the creative community is frequently critical of Israeli government policy; and, to its credit, the Israeli government does not overtly attempt to shut down this source of dissent, marginal and timid as some may argue that they are. Without even thinking very hard, I can list off any number of Israeli films that are critical - directly, or subtly - of the myopia that so often stifles this country: Etz Limon, The Syrian Bride, Beaufort, Waltz With Bashir, Walk on Water, James' Journey to Jerusalem...if Mr Loach had his way, none of these films ought to be enjoyed by a wider audience, because they are "supported" by the Israeli government - either directly through grants, as was the case with Surrogate, or indirectly through the Israeli Film Fund, which sponsors many of the critical (in every sense of the word) successes that come out of the country.

And that would be a shame. A diversity of voices is essential for genuine public discourse. Loach, through his heavy-handedness, will stifle this if he has his way.

ps: I haven't included Golden Lion of Venice-winning Lebanon or Ajami, because I haven't gotten round to watching either yet. But I hear good things about both...

pps: Trailer for Ajami. I'm sorry it's in Hebrew and Arabic, without subtitles: I really need to get to work...the blurb reads: Different People: Different Worlds: Meet: In One Place. I gather that it is about social tensions in Jaffa, the underdevelopled multi-ethnic adjunct to Tel Aviv. I'm probably doing the film a disservice with this bland description, mind. It was filmed largely with non-professional actors, residents of the city; it won a special mention at Cannes. Despite all this (lol) I am told that it is very, very good indeed.

ppps: On a related note, I recommend taking a look at the blog Occupied, concerned with life in Jaffa, in the shadows of the glittering metropolis that is Tel Aviv. Very committed and thought provoking.

Right, now I am off. Good day, all.

The Sukkah

2009-10-12T21:10:00.004+02:00

Every now and then, I tire of the responsibilities attached to being one part of a cool, trendy multi-culti, multi-ethni, multi-(agnostic)religious household...

(Actually, I tire generally of the responsibilities attached to being a parent, full stop. But that's neither here nor there.)

At the moment, the bane of my existence is the Sukkah in the backyard. Allow me to explain.

This is a Sukkah. We have one erected on our balcony at the moment, in commemoration of the Jewish festival of Sukkot, or Tabernacles, which ended the day before yesterday. Observant Jews - and quite a few non-observant ones, as you'll come to see in a moment - eat all their meals in one during the 8 days of the holiday, recalling the sojourn of the Israelites in the wilderness.

So far, so good.

When Mrs Goy asked if we should put one up, for the benefit of the Small Noisy One, the only appropriate answer, obviously, was yes.

To elucidate: It's not that I have anything against the principle of the Sukkah. Indeed, I think that it is crucially important that we remember the sojourn of Moses and the Israelites - although 40 years does seem a bit steep. I guess they had a different concept of time back in the day... in any case, I quite enjoy dining al fresco. More to the point, Heaven forbid I become the one to lead my child away from his Jewish roots...

It's just that someone had to put the damned thing up. Guess who?

Actually, I received plenty of help, technical and physical, from Mrs Goy and the Small Noisy One. Allegedly, the structure was idiot-proof, sort of like an Ikea bookshelf with sacking to wrap around the frame and matting to chuck over the top.

But then, our flat is littered with the distended corpses of incompetently put-together Ikea bookshelves, courtesy of yours truly. I rather suspect that if Mrs Goy hadn't been at hand, to mop my fevered brow and to tell me which part went where, I'd still be struggling with the wretched thing today.

But I...we...they - with a little help from me - succeeded in the end. And a week of fun was had by all, eating under the stars and having little noisy friends of the Small Noisy One over for food fights and the like. But, as they say, what goes up must come down. Or be dismantled. And I do dismantling even worse than I do assembly.

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have worried at all about this. My usual tactic - tried and tested over several years with our Christmas Tree (now, since we live in Israel, masquerading as a sort of Hannukah Bush) is to ignore all requests to do the necessary until either the wretched thing falls down in its own time, or it mysteriously vanishes overnight (for this, read that the better half has tired of my procrastination and subterfuge and dealt with the matter herself).

The problem with the Sukkah, however, is that we borrowed it from family who had no use for it this year. Family whom have used said Sukkah year after year without the need to replace missing or damaged parts. Family whom, quite reasonably, expect their property to be returned, promptly and in one piece.

So it seems that I'm going to have to deal with it now, rather than hope that a stiff wind might just blow it away one night.

Heavy(ish) metal poles + a hammer + me = lots of potty language.

Wish me luck

ps - just in case you wondered, the picture is not of our Sukkah. I mean, they have a tablecloth on the table! C'mon...I bet they use cutlery and all too :-)

Football, Soccer, Cador Regel, Whatever

2009-10-11T20:48:00.002+02:00

The internationl football qualifiers this weekend reminded me of that famous match 16 years ago when the Israeli National Team - defying the odds, logic and the rational order of things - managed to beat the French national side - Cantona et al - in Paris, and contribute to their eventual failure to qualify for the 94 Mundial.

Strange match: the Israelis had nothing left to play for, even pride (a bit like this weekend, actually). But win they did.

Here's a clip from the glorious moment in injury time when Reuven Atar puts Israel 3-2 up. If anyone can identify the commentator who is quite clearly having a golden moment all of his own, I'd be very much obliged.

The Holidays Are Over...

2009-10-10T22:02:00.002+02:00

Thank goodness.

Here's how it goes:

July : Too hot to do anything

August: Too tired and irritable to do anything

September: Too busy eating to do anything.

In any case, there isn't any point in trying to do anything really constructive with anyone during the latter part of this period. One gets the same answer every time: After the Haggim...

Anyway, an interesting video I cam across the other day. Dress codes here fascinate me.

Creative credit etc. to Global Post.

Leonard Cohen - to sing or not to sing?

2009-09-19T22:44:00.004+03:00

...once I stopped smacking myself about the head for thinking spiteful, gleeful thoughts, after reading about Mr Cohen collapsing on stage in Bilbao...

[To put it in context: I am one of the many people who were unable to get tickets for his Tel Aviv show. I did have the chance to pick up tickets after the fact, but for NIS 1000 ($250, more or less) each; no way on earth that was going to happen, "VIP" section or not. I'd have to go on baked beans on toast rations for the next year as a consequence.]

...I noticed that this sentence in the BBC report: "After Spain, Cohen is due to perform in Florida on 17 October."

As any fule kno, Mr Cohen is scheduled to entertain 47,000 people next Thursday. Which is quite some time before the 17th of October. Petty malevolence on the part of the BBC? Part of a creeping attempt to erase Israel from the cultural map?

No, actually (at worst), sloppy research. Because Mr Cohen's website skips the Tel Aviv gig too.

Odd that. Although, after all the palaver in setting it up, perhaps he'd rather forget about it too...

Happy New Year

2009-09-18T15:11:00.002+03:00

The good thing about being a Goy in these parts is that I get to make my new year resolutions twice a year.

The bad thing about being a Goy in these parts is that I get to break my new year resolutions twice a year...

Never mind. Actually, things are looking up a bit; 5760 may turn out to be an...interesting year. More about this in due course.

To my Jewish friends: Shana Tovah; to everyone else: have a good weekend

x

ps - My new year resolution? To be more positive, of course. Pretty obvious, if you think about it. Oh, and to stop ranting from the sidelines, and actually try to make a difference about the stuff that I believe in...

Something very odd is happening in England

2009-09-13T07:56:00.003+03:00

...well, odder than usual, given that this is the country of Morris Dancing, passive-aggressive queueing (I'll come back to that another time) and politicians like Gordon Brown.

Over the last few weeks, a shadowy group called the English Defence League has been engaged in running street battles with Muslim activists. The general presumption is that the EDL is a offshoot of the British National Party; the Muslim, for their part, have joined forces with left leaning and anti fascist activists.

So far, so bad. But what's the Israel link?

Well, the Jewish Chronicle report that some of the nice fellows at the EDL have decided to adopt the Israeli flag as a standard to rally around at their demonstrations. Not one to miss a trick, a Muslime website has already reported the “connection between the EDL and Zionists”.

Today, there is a pro-Palestinian demonstration at Trafalgar Square in central London; according to today's Observer, police are on high alert for an expected confrontation between the pro-Palestinians and the EDL. "This is the terrorist-supporting 'we are the Hezbollah' mob. We need all our lads to turn out to let them know they aren't welcome here".

The first thing that comes to mind is that old chestnut about the enemy of my enemy being my friend. Which, of course is bollocks. It's nice to see that the Israeli Embassy spoke up quickly, condemning those using the country's flag as a tool to stir up tensions between communities.

The other is Pope's aphorism about setting precedence between a louse and a flea. A little unkind perhaps; I'm sure there are interesting, important arguments buried deep within the operational logic of both parties. But I fear that they both owe something to fascism, in wanting things their way and no other way at all. Which, of course, is a shame.

But it would be fun asking a couple of the 'lads' from the EDL what they think about, for example, the Balfour Declaration, no?

Have a good day.

A random conversation today...

2009-09-07T21:49:00.003+03:00

...so I'm sitting on a bench on a small side street just off Dizengoff, waiting for Mrs Goy and the Small Noisy One. They're late; but I don't particularly mind. I'm listening to the iPod and watching the world go by...life seems very pleasant and stress-free indeed...

So when I sense someone settling behind me (I am sitting with my shoulder to the bench's upright, all the better to see the passing human traffic), I do not feel the need to acknowledge my new companion.

"Boom!"

The voice filters through the music. I ignore it. It can't be directed at me, after all..

"Boom!" More insistent. Apparently it is. I sigh and turn around.

She is in her mid sixties perhaps, solidly built but not stout, with hennaed hair and dressed in the vaguely shapeless flowery dresses favoured by women from a certain period. She is rummaging through a voluminous handbag on the bench by her side.

"Boom!" She slaps at her forearm with the open palm of her other hand. "All we hear these days...Boom! Boom!" She is speaking a mixture of Hebrew and English, for my benefit no doubt. I remove the headphones warily.

"What do you mean?" I ask, in Hebrew.

"All you hear nowadays, Murder, Murder, Murder. Boom!" She slaps at her forearm once again, before continuing the excavation of her handbag. I wonder what she is looking for.

But I don't ask her this. "What happened?"

"In Ramat Gan." She is sticking to Hebrew now. "A man goes into a shop, asks for the owner, pulls out a knife, then Boom! Owner is dead." She finally discovers the object of her quest; a Sphygmomanometer.

(I only know what they are called because once, many years ago, some recalcitrant rascal of my acquaintance gave me one - stolen from his father, a doctor, I believe - as part settlement for an old and mouldy debt. It sat in my wardrobe, in boarding school, for a year. Eventually, I recouped most of the debt by offering blood pressure checks to my classmates during our final school leaving examinations. Probably illegal, passing myself off as a qualified medical technician. Never mind...)

"In a shop?", I ask. I wonder if it is a protection racket gone wrong.

(It wasn't, as it happens. The full story is here)

"All you here in Israel these days is murder, murder, murder. A man walks on the beach...Boom! A small girl dumped in the Yarkon, wrapped in polythene...Boom! This country is awful."

"But stuff like this happens everywhere..." I start

"No!" She cuts across me. "Look, I was born here, grew up not ten minutes from here. It wasn't always like this." She is smiling, friendly even, belying her predictions of doom and gloom. "We have killed this country," she concludes sadly, shaking her head. No "Boom!" this time.

Occasionally, my old muckers in the Old Country(s) accuse me of going native when I try to tell them that Israel isn't quite as bad as it is made out to be by bored foreign correspondents presumably paid by the word or with one eye on the book deal where they explain what precisely, in their not terribly humble opinion, is wrong with the Jewish State. I can live with that. But I am scarcely equipped to defend Israel against the natives themselves..."It's the same everywhere..." I repeat lamely.

She shakes here head vigorously. "You put on the television every day, it is the same thing, Boom! So," she continues, strapping the sphygmomanometer to her forearm as she speaks, "I killed the television...Boom!" She cackles delightfully.

I smile. My telephone rings. It is Mrs Goy. She is running late (I know!) and asks if I can meet her outside her grandmother's, five minutes away, instead. I rise to my feet, a little reluctantly. "I'm sorry, I have to go..."

She peers up at me. "How do you know how to speak Hebrew so well?"

I blush (metaphorically, at least). My Hebrew is one small step away from appalling, as opposed to merely dreadful. Her comment is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in quite a while, true or not. "I've lived here for two and a half years..." She looks unconvinced. "I talk to my wife in Hebrew occasionally...she's Israeli."

She brightens. "Really? That's wonderful. Where are her family from?"

We go through the family tree, as I have done for absolute strangers many times before - here, for example.

(Digression - I often wonder why the British TV programme "Who Do You Think You Are?" has not been adapted for Israeli Television; it seems tailor made for this country...)

"And your family?" she asks. I tell her. "I hope you get to see them regularly..." she queries. I smile.

"Do you have any children?" I tell her I have one. I don't tell her that at the moment, he is convinced that he is a Lion, and wakes me up most mornings by pouncing on the bed and roaring as fiercely as he can manage - think Peter Sellers and Cato in the Pink Panther films, as below. I suppose this won't interest her.

"Is he beautiful?" (She uses the masculine adjective Yafeh, which literally translates as beautiful; in this context, it'll probably read better as good looking.)

I smile. "Well..."

"Is he more like you, Kushi?"

(If I'm correct, the word Kushi comes from is the Kush, an ancient race in North Africa - Sudan and Egypt, Wikipedia helpfully tells me. Generally, I had assumed that it was used in Israel in a vaguely pejorative manner, like Coloured in the UK. I'd be interested in exploring the etymology of the word in modern Hebrew now, after this conversation...)

"He is, yes. But he gets his good looks from his mother." (Mrs Goy, if you are reading this, this MUST be worth something...forgiveness for past misdemeanours on my part, perhaps?)

"Tov, you must be going, she'll be waiting for you."

She is right, and I bid her farewell.

Media Control, Israeli Style

2009-09-06T08:12:00.003+03:00

We've been here before; when journalists say - or are deemed likely to say - disobliging things about Israel, the Israeli government and Israeli policies in the occupied territories, it is reasonable - necessary, even - for the Israeli government to counter by clarifying misapprehensions, misunderstandings, distortions and out and out lies. But the way the representatives of the Israeli people go about it however...

Exhibit A - Cite the Blood Libel

These was a bit of a fuss whilst I was on holiday in England, when The Voice, a small circulation (and even smaller impact) weekly serving the black Caribbean population of the United Kingdom, ran a less than kind assessment of the manner in which we darker skinned people are treated by the Israeli penal system. (Headline - Hundreds of Black People Being Held in Israeli Jails)

It should be pointed out that the story was the work of an obvious charlatan; the chap who was interviewed for the piece - a filmmaker accompanying the Gaza bound aid/propaganda boat intercepted by the Israeli Navy last June - wrote back the next week to deny pretty much everything that was said in his name. The editor of the newspaper, an even bigger charlatan, was quoted after the fact as saying that he "regretted the inaccuracies", but added that the "nature of journalism is to make things sensational". (Sadly, the piece is no longer on the newspaper's website. I wonder why?)

However: Ron Proser, Israel's ambassador to the United Kingdom, then weighed in mightily, stating that The Voice should be a "responsible, articulate voice for black Britons" (fair enough), and that "on this occasion it has chose to be the voice of slander, disinformation and lies."

So far, so good. Now, this would be the opportunity for Mr Proser to set the record straight; to discuss the mechanics of Operation Oz, and the intent at the time to deport foreign nationals willy-nilly, including children who were born here and know no other home than Israel.

(I accept that this is a truncated and biased assessment of Israeli immigration *policy*. On the other hand, the retards responsible for it don't seem terribly interested in rational discussion, and instead are happy to sleepwalk into the same problems experienced in Britain and elsewhere, cheerfully demonising migrants to score cheap points. So I don't particularly feel up to being 'fair and balanced' at the moment.)

But I digress. So does Mr Proser set the record straight, by exploring the challenges faced in managing a fair policy towards migrant workers? Hell, no! Rather, he continues by saying that "...this article is less in the spirit of being blood brothers and more in the spirit of a blood libel."

I see. Or, perhaps I don't. The Blood Libel is a particularly egregious allegation; it should only be wielded when absolutely justified by the facts. Here, in my humble opinion, it ain't. And it makes Proser look like the boy who cried wolf, irrespective of the shoddy partisanship exhibited by The Voice

Exhibit B - Cite the Blood Libel, with bells attached.

There isn't anything really to add to the palaver following the nonsense masquerading as investigative journalism (I am picking my words very carefully here, and I should say that this is a personal opinion) in Aftonbladet, other than to note that no one came out of this covered in glory. Especially dear Avigdor (whom I believe is actually visiting my native Nigeria today - hope he has fun!).

I read somewhere a very powerful argument, about the piece being a modern manifestation of the old stories about Jews murdering Christian children, one which I pretty much accept wholesale (unfortunately, I can't remember where. If anyone's interested, I can go look it up). It's also pretty clear that people whom are inclined to believe the worst of the Jewish people will lap up this abhorrence; that said, people like that probably go out of their way to find anything to confirm their worst prejudices.

Even so, I really don't think that bullying the Swedish Government into accepting responsibility for the nonsense spewed forth by its newspapers is the way to go. Think about it; should Bibi and company take responsibility for everything printed in the Israeli press? Would he want to? Nah, I don't think so either.

(Side issue - for the people whom are advocating for a boycott of IKEA, two things: Firstly, I think that IKEA is run in Israel by an Israeli-owned franchise, and in any case employs lots of nice Israeli people to sell their nice tchotkes. Do you really want to add to the unemployment figures in the country at the moment? And, more to the point, doesn't this legitimise the calls - which, no doubt, this same group of people vehemently oppose - to boycott Israeli goods? Think about it...)

Exhibit C - When everything else fails, shoot at the buggers

In relation to the clip below, I should say that I don't particularly warm to the journalist's editorial line. "Expropriation" and "Confiscation" of Palestinian land, I can live with, but words like "Theft" and "Stealing" - even if absolutely justified - are highly charged, and ought to be explored - or explained - further, rather than being chucked about like confetti. Anyway...

A few things to consider. It is reasonable to assume that TV crews 'coordinate' their positions with the IDF before they start filming. Which is to say, it is fair to assume that the soldiers ought to have known that they were shooting teargas near a TV crew, one - unfortunately for them - on a live feed

Also, it isn't the first time it has happened. A CNN correspondent had to scurry for cover in similar circumstances a couple of months ago.

And then people wonder why the foreign press *is* institutionally anti-Israel. Oh well, never mind...

As an aside: As far as the convoluted, complicated and generally bewildering events in this part of the world go, the Bil'in issue comes as close to a just cause as anything. The Supreme Court of Israel has ruled that the Security Fence/Separation Wall here illegally expropriated land from Palestinian nationals...two years ago. The Israeli army continues to ignore the ruling of the highest court in the land. As I understand it (I should say that I haven't been to any of the demonstrations, so this is all hearsay, albeit informed hearsay) the protesters are relatively non-violent; they chuck stones, but not Molotov cocktails, aren't trying to blow themselves - and others - up, and subscribe, at least in principle, to the notion of non-violent resistance.

At some point, the IDF is going to be dumb enough to badly hurt (or worse) someone on live TV (There has been at least one Palestinian death, and an American lies in critical condition in a hospital not very far away from me, after getting a teargas cannister in the head). If they are really dumb, they will manage to get a journalist. (No loss, some may argue. But one shouldn't be flippant...)

I actually do not think that army is deliberately going out of its way to scare, threaten or harm journalists, even if they are reporting for Al-Jazeera (boo, hiss). But I do think they are pretty reckless about their presence, something very worrying in itself. And at some point, it is only inevitable that something will happen that will drive home the point that facts will ultimately prevail over spin.

On Marriage, and other life sentences; and double dating with Madonna

2009-09-04T10:44:00.005+03:00

I'm back.

I actually didn't intend to take such a long break from blogging; but I went on holiday, and found myself in a place with limited internet access. After a couple of days, I discovered that one can actually survive just fine without email/facebook/blog access.

And then I returned to Eretz Yisrael and had the life sucked out of me by the heat, rendering me good for absolutely nothing...

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I've been hitched to Mrs Goy for five years this week. So it seems quite apposite to snark about the new MASA campaign to return errant Jews to the fold, as reported here, here and here yesterday

(Too lazy to look for the obligatory youtube link, but you can find it here - ta to the Religion and State in Israel blog)

My first thought was: Wow, I have so much power - leading people away from the flock, so to speak...

My second was slightly less snarky - let's face it, all religions tend to mark out their territory jealously. Since Judaism does not actively encourage proselytism, I suppose it is incumbent upon the shepherds to keep the sheep from straying too far.

(If I had married in a sanctioned ceremony in the Catholic Church, they may have just about tolerated the notion of me hooking up with a Jewess; but I would have been obliged to promise that I would bring up any issues from our union as Catholic, under threat of excommunication and the eternal damnation of my wretched soul. As if I can force the Small Noisy One to do anything at all...)

Even so, much as I would like to view this advert benignly, there is something discomfiting about the aggressive stance it takes. Convincing Jews to strengthen their ties with Israel is one thing - not necessarily a bad thing either, since Israel could always do with plurality of voices, backgrounds and opinions. Suggesting that those whom intermarry are, ab initio, lost, seems pretty odious. Given that MASA - a state funded operation, I should point out - isn't dominated by the Men in Black, surely it isn't incumbent upon them to define those who chose to marry outside the faith as beyond the pale? Each to their own, I say, and allow the Messiah to sort it out when he arrives...

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You may have heard about a couple of performances in Tel Aviv this week, by a popular songstress and provocateur called Esther...I didn't go. Madonna stopped doing it for me after Papa Don't Preach/True Blue, with the occasional blips of brilliance thereafter only confirming her gradual decline into cliché...

(This probably says much more about how old I am than anything else; it's like asking anyone brought up in England who their favourite Doctor Who is; their answer will almost certainly give you an accurate estimate of their age..)

Anyway, I was...how does one put this? Gobsmacked to read that Ms Ciccione broke bread with both the leader of the opposition as well as Mekon-Head, Bibi Netanyahu himself. Apparently, Tzipporah and spouse went on a double date with Madonna and her grandso...sorry, boyfriend de jour to Stephan Brown on Allenby (nice place, btw) the other night. I wonder what on earth they talked about for an hour. Kabbalah? Proportional representation, as compared to other electoral systems? Tzipi's (admittedly very nice) red Stilettos? Ah, to have been a fly on the wall...

Gideon Levy's polemic in this week's Ha'aretz magazine is helpfully illustrated with other examples of politicians whoring themselves in the name of a good photoshoot. Shim-Shim, the nation's esteemed President, unsurprisingly features prominently; there's a really good picture of Menachem Begin - ever the gentleman - gallantly kissing Liz Taylor's hand (she's wearing a fur coat, btw. In Jerusalem. I'm not sure quite what to make of this). But the best is of Moshe Dayan, bristling testosterone and manliness, charming Maureen O'Hara at a banquet.

Mrs Goy asked who she was; "Oh, some starlet," I said (on reflection, an extremely unfair description, I accept).

"That figures," Mrs Goy replied.

Shabbat Shalom

Eating Falafel on Holiday...

2009-07-30T10:37:00.003+03:00

In a country where it rains. Incessantly. Mercilessly.

After obscenely high temperatures and 75% humidity, it makes a pleasant change. For the moment. I'll probably be cursing perfidious Albion - or at least the perfidious Albian weather - by this time next week.

After a long, liquid encounter with a friend a couple of days ago, I stopped for a late night bite at Notting Hill's Falafel King (certainly not the best Falafel joint in London - try Maoz for that. But I was desperate...)

There were two smartly dressed men at the counter, conversing in Hebrew. Odd, I thought. Israelis only wear suits if they have to, or they are paid to do so...

I thought nothing more of it until I read this.

Oh dear. Perhaps the poor things were having an official dinner...

(The second half of the article, where the hapless Chef de Protocol of the Israeli Ministry of Foreign affairs first tries to chat up Ms Goldman, then tries to retract the interview in a fit of irrational pique is absolutely priceless. "I am going to file a complaint against you...there will be consequences." Charming!)

Goy sues employer, loses

2009-07-21T09:23:00.002+03:00

OK, perhaps I shouldn't be so flippant...

From The Yeshiva World News:

A lawsuit filed by goyim employed in Bnei Brak’s Maynei HaYeshua Hospital seeking additional compensation for being the institution’s shabbos goyim was not successful. The workers took their case to the Tel Aviv Labor Court, demanding payment according to the law which says a Jew who works on shabbos R”L must received additional pay.

The full story is here.

Now, as I understand it, it is forbidden for a Jew to cause another Jew to break the Sabbath - by employing another Jew on a Saturday, for instance.

One can - just about - understand the legislation referred to in the case, entitling Jews whom work on the Sabbath to extra pay, if one accepts that the day of rest has cultural/ethnic considerations over and above the religious duty to maintain the Sabbath; that the seventh day has a special significance to all Jews, not just observant ones.

On the other hand, one could argue that the Shabbos Goy is providing a unique service, one that relatively few people in the country can provide on behalf of the hospital (it's in Bnei Brak; I assume that it is a religious establishment). Perhaps if the petitioner had a slightly stronger negotiating position to start off with...but then, I assume that there isn't anyone at all in the hospital - Jew or Goy - entitled to the additional payment

I'll be speaking to Mrs Goy in due course; I wouldn't mind a premium added to my per diem for services rendered during the day of rest. (The fact that I do precisely nothing Chez Goy most days, Sabbath or not, is neither here nor there, obviously...)

Hat tip to Religion and State in Israel

"Who is a Jew", Redux

2009-07-17T10:23:00.002+03:00

Anshel Pfeffer writes about the issue - in far more eloquent and informed manner - here.

Have a good weekend!

So, who exactly is a Jew, anyway? (UK version)

2009-07-16T21:24:00.005+03:00

Not in Israel, mind; with Rabbis revoking the conversion status of immigrants ill-advised enough to stand in the way - literally and figuratively - of well connected Rabbis, I suspect that this is what Father Jack describes as an ecumenical matter...

(nb: If you are not familiar with Father Ted, I beseech you, please seek it out. I think even Voltaire would have been proud of its cleric-baiting credentials)

...but more to do with the recent ruling of the British Court of Appeal concerning the admissions policy of the Jews' Free School.

It isn't a straightforward matter, involving - as it does - the arcane rules that govern the quasi independence of so-called 'faith schools' in the United Kingdom, schools whom receive funding for their day to day operations from central government but are largely left alone to administer academic and bureaucratic matters as they wish.

Faith schools, whilst forbidden from explicitly excluding applicants because they are not members of the denoted faith, are allowed to set criteria to establish priority if they are over-subscribed; in simple English, this means that if there are more kids clamouring for a place than places actually available, then the school is allowed to put in place tie breakers to decide who gets in and who stays out.

It is an important point because 'Faith' schools are commonly believed to outperform - significantly - secular schools in the state sector. Parents have been known to rediscover generations-dormant piety, to baptise their children in faiths that they have never subscribed to, and to do other (otherwise) outlandish things in order to secure a place in their school of choice.

Church schools usually employ the criteria of giving preference to actively practising Christians, with references from their parish priest and evidence of active participation in church activities required. It is easy work for a determined parent to make mincemeat of this stipulations...

JFS (as it was rebranded a few years ago) - and, I assume, other Jewish 'Faith' schools - falls under the jurisdiction of the British Rabbinate - Orthodox, that is. Their tie-breaker in the case of over-subscription - and JFS is always oversubscribed - takes the halachaic definition of Judaism as the starting point; a child born to a Jewish mother.

A case has been rumbling along omniously lately, concerning a child denied a place at JFS because his mother became Jewish under the auspices of a ceremony not recognised by the Rabbinate - i.e. not an Orthodox ceremony.

(I think that the mother converted to Judaism in the early 1970s, and in Israel, under a reform Rabbi. But I don't remember exactly.)

Anyway, the point is that her son was turned down for a place - or, to be exact, not given the preference that would have secured him a place - because "his mother had converted to Judaism in a procedure not recognised by the Chief Rabbi".

Her husband sued, and after having the case dismissed in the High Court, won the appeal on the grounds that the policy employed - of enforcing the matrilineal definition of Judaism, in conjunction with the recognition of only sanctioned conversions - was discriminatory.

(The whole issue is more complicated than this, fiendlishly so, and this summary is informed more by my knowledge of British school admission law than of Judaism per se - if I've misunderstood anything, please let me know.)

It is also worth noting that the mother of the boy attends Shul regularly.

The ruling has caused a stink. A big one. Lord Sacks, Chief Rabbi of the United Kingdom commented that the ruling brands Judaism as racist, and others have suggested that the ruling could be employed as the starting point for a court-defined definition to that vexatious question...

I must confess to being more than a little puzzled. Looking at it from a personal perspective: As applied up until now, the admissions policy at JFS would give precedence to my son - the child of an agnostic Catholic (don't ask what that means, it'll take too long) and a secular Jew - over the child of an observant, but non-Orthodox Jew.

That doesn't sound completely right.

On the other hand, it isn't for me to even attempt to define what is and what isn't correct when it comes to matters like this. If you have any thoughts, do drop a comment or two. I am genuinely curious...

The evil genius of Israeli advertising (continued)

2009-07-15T08:55:00.002+03:00

My mother, who lives in London, is a very late - and very enthusiastic - adopter of the internet. Scarcely a day passes without her sending me by email the newest chain letter threatening all sorts of unpleasantness if I don't forward it to my nearest and dearest within 17 hours (I bin, without reading), latest health scares (I refer her to snopes.com without further comment) or grim amusement courtesy of youtube (I usually watch - a guilty pleasure).

Last night, she forwarded this to me. It is in Russian and I doubt that she noticed that it is an advert for the Israeli State Lottery.

It is so wrong on so many levels. It is also bloody funny. I think someone needs to give the fellows in McCann Erickson a new set of toys to play with...

Football against the Enemy

2009-07-13T13:15:00.006+03:00

I'm sure this seemed like a good idea at the time...

ps - For what it's worth, I don't think the ad is racist, as has been suggested quite a bit. However, it does beg a rather interesting question: Why can't the Palestinians fetch their own ball themselves? Or, to look at it another way, why are the Palestinians completely invisible?

pps - The game is called Football, ok? Not Soccer. Only the Americans call the game Soccer.And we know how good they are at the game...what's that? Reached the finals of the Confederation Cup? Narrowly beaten by Brazil? Oh...(slinks off, stage left, deflated.)

ppps - This blog's title is also the title of, in my opinion, the best book written about football, ever. The author, Simon Kuper, has also written another interesting book about the uncomfortable relationship between Ajax Amsterdam and their devoted - fanatical, even - Jewish fan base. Both books are really worth reading...

Under the Eucalyptus Tree

2009-07-12T21:59:00.005+03:00

A couple of weeks ago, we went on a ramble in the Yehudiya Forest Nature Reserve in the Golan, a bracing walk ending at the Brichat Meshushim - the Hexagonal Pool. The pool is so named because of the striking features along its walls, pillars of hexagonal-shaped (more or less) stone. There's a technical explanation, involving the crystallisation of cooling lave, I believe; but like most other technical things, it only confused me...

Getting to the pool requires a 20 minute walk along a steep downhill path. It was a hot morning, and we were all perspiring like crazy by the time we got to the bottom. The pool was indeed a sight for sore eyes...

There are more pictures here. (Not by me, though, I was too lazy to take the camera.)

Unfortunately, what goes down must eventually come back up (actually, that isn't technically correct, is it? Never mind. I'm sure you understand what I mean...): the Small Noisy One was stung by a bee just before we left, and was too upset to walk. I carried him on my shoulders all the way back up. He's quite a big child, and I'm quite a lazy father. Fun it wasn't.

At the top, I recuperated in the shade of an Eucalyptus tree. Mrs Goy thought that the Nature Reserve was on the site of an old Syrian army base; according to folklore, the trees were in place because an Israeli spy called Eli Cohen convinced the Syrian army to plant them because they would provide excellent shade for the troops.

They also made the air bases easy to spot from the air...

Eli Cohen was eventually captured and hung by the Syrians; he is one of a number of operatives honoured at the cumbersomely-named Israeli Intelligence Heritage and Commemoration Centre, which oddly seems to be located somewhere near the soulless Glilot Junction on Kvish Hof, Motorway No. 2, which runs between Tel Aviv and Haifa.

There's an article about it here.

TTFN

Something different?

2009-07-12T15:08:00.002+03:00

A blog post entitled A Settler-Arab Peace Initiative must be worth reading. Especially when it starts with a sentence like this: "Settlers probably have more direct contact and interaction with local Arabs of Yesh(a) than any other sector of Israeli society."

Check the full post out at the (perhaps slightly misleadingly-titled) The Muqata Blog. Sounds...well, intriguing.

Right, back to work..no, make that Stage 9 of Le Tour. They're going to start climbing Col de Tourmalet in a minute. All 2000 metres of it. Rather them than me...

Le Tour de Israel?

2009-07-11T16:26:00.005+03:00

I'm spending a lot of my time these days - too much, one might argue - in front of the television, feeding my obsession with professional cycling and specifically Le Tour de France.

Watching the race wend its way through the rolling, verdant landscape of the Pyreenes, a couple of questions come to mind:

(1) Given the popularity of road cycling in Israel: I wonder why aren't there any Israeli professional cyclists on any of the major teams? (Astana's Levi Leipheimer doesn't count. For one thing, he's American. And then, there's this)

(There is a team on this year's Le Tour called Katusha. Give or take an additional Y, one could...nah, best to leave that where it is.)

(2) Given Israel's varied landscape, I wonder why isn't there a Tour Of Israel? It could start with a prologue round the Old City of Jerusalem, head south to the Dead Sea, have two or three flat stages, starting in Be'er Sheva, then passing through Tel Aviv and Netanya up north, then two mountain stages in the Galilee. Perhaps a mountain top finish in the Golan, even? (Or perhaps not. The next door neighbours might take umbrage...)

There's a great history of Le Tour, written by a contrarian British journalist called Geoffrey Wheatcroft. Wheatcroft also wrote, a while ago, an interesting book called The Controversy of Zion, which won the American National Jewish Book Award.

Former literary editor of London's Spectator, Wheatcroft describes himself as "a genuine neutral or agnostic" on the Arab-Israeli conflict, seeing right and wrong on both sides. In this dispassionate yet opinionated history, which sweeps from Theodore Herzl's Zionist dream to Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin's assassination in 1995, Wheatcroft condemns the 1975 United Nations resolution equating Zionism with racism as gravely malicious, a reflection of the Arab states' malignancy. While praising Israel as "a unique island of constitutional government in the Levant," he echoes the observation of U.S. journalist I.F. Stone that Zionism involved a psychological act of denial along with a physical act of displacement of Palestine's Arab population. A richly detailed chronicle of Jewish nationalist aspirations and of Diaspora Jewry's shifting relationship with Israel, Wheatcroft's study is crammed with incisive profiles of such Jewish figures as Disraeli, Heinrich Heine, Martin Buber, Karl Kraus, Isaac Deutscher, Hannah Arendt, Primo Levi and Robert Maxwell; "self-hating Jews" Karl Marx and Walter Lippmann; part-Jewish Marcel Proust; and Jew-haters Richard Wagner, Hilaire Belloc and Hitler.

Worth reading...

OK, back to the TV. I'm rooting for the young Spanish rider, Alberto Contador. He seems less full of perfomance-enhancing naughtiness than most of the other riders.

Have a good week.

Self Important Cant

2009-07-10T12:44:00.003+03:00

Most Fridays, Ha'aretz's Mosaf (magazine supplement) runs an extended, "hard hitting" interview with prominent personages from the the public sphere (the Army, Politics, the Judiciary and Diplomatic affairs, basically. Some argue that the second is merely an extension of the first, and that the only function of the other two is to clear up the mess made by the others...)

Occasionally, the interviews are genuinely enlightening - one recent example was that with Zehava Gal-On, until recently a member of the Knesset for the left wing Meretz Party. More often, they are - unintentionally, one presumes - laugh out loud amusing, dominated by the self-importance of the interviewee.

With these, the common denominator tends to be the presumption on the part of the interviewee that they, and they alone understand the existential threats faced by Israel and that if given a free hand, will restore peace and order within a fortnight, to the point that they'll even have the Israelis and the Palestinians dancing the Hora together etc etc...

This week's interview is with National Security Adviser Uzi Arad, and at times veers into the latter territory. My personal opinion is that the National Security Adviser ought to be keeping a low profile; others may disagree.

Anyway...

A couple of highlights:

On the relationship between Israel and the current Palestinian regime of Mahmoud Abbas: "...on the contrary, he is preserving eternal greviences against us and intensifying them. After (Tricky Udi) offered him almost everything, he says wide gaps remain..." (italics mine)

Lets turn this around slightly. So Olmert offered Abbas almost everything. The implication is that what remained was, in Israel's eyes, relatively trivial. So why not offer it to the Palestinians too?

(Of course, my take on this is that what does remain - the right of return for Palestinian refugees from '67, and sovereignity over parts of Jerusalem - are not trivial matters at all. But, somehow, Arad appears to believe that they are.)

Or, on the Golan Heights:

(Interviewer)...that even in peace, we must ensure that a large part of the Golan Heights remain in (Israeli) hands

(Arad) Yes...for strategic, military and land-settlement reasons. Needs of water, wine and view. (again, italics mine)

I think only the hopelessly naive would suppose that Israel could, under current circumstances, achieve an accomodation with Assad's Syria. For as long as the Syrians provide succor and more to Hezbollah and Hamas, and for as long as they continue to break bread with the Tinker from Tehran, the opportunities for a lasting settlement seem pretty slim. Most people accept this. Doesn't deter them from trying to effect a change in the status quo, but at least they know where the goalposts are. However, Arad places equal emphasis of the Golan vinieries

(The Gamla Merlot from the Golan Heights Winery is absolutely delicious, b/t/w: but that's another matter altogether)

...and the view

(equally breathtaking: but I need to stick to the point)

...seem, shall we say, a little eccentric. I mean, it is kind of him to think of my wishes, to be able to have a lovely evening picnic in Katzrin, a few bottles of decent Red to hand, but I would like to think that there are, like, more pressing reasons for keep control of the Golan...

Or perhaps not.

What is interesting - and isn't mentioned at all in the interview - is that Arad was until recently barred from the United States as a security risk. He was a long time Mossad agent (common knowledge, not giving away any state secrets here), and was implicated - fairly, unfairly, who knows? - in the AIPAC spying case. As such Shrub's people deemed him a security risk and revoked his entry visa into the United States.

The AIPAC two have now had the case against them dropped; for this, and perhaps other reasons, the objections to Mr Arad visiting the United States have been allowed to go away. Good to know it, it would have been just a bit embarrassing to have the Israeli National Security Adviser unable to enter the United States, no?

Mind you, this all happened rather quietly; for the information in the last paragraph, my thanks to the Tikkun Olam blog of Richard Silverstein.

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Right, enough of this bollocks.

Goy will be at Ganei HaTarucha in Tel Aviv this evening, boogie-ing down (if one can correctly use this optimistic phrase and my name in the same sentence) to my country-woman, Nneka, performing with Reggae outfit Groundation tonight. Which leads me to another question...How is it that, after two years of being starved of quality live music, suddenly everyone and his uncle have decided to peform in Tel Aviv? Depeche Mode, Suzanne Vega, Calexico, the Pet Shop Boys, Madonna (ok, so I stopped caring about Madonna round about 10 years ago, but still...)?

Very odd indeed. But I'm not complaining.

(ps - if you aren't familiar with Calexico's music, check them out. They are bloody fantastic!)

(pps - there is lots of quality live music in Israel. Much of it Israeli. I'm just being silly...)

Have a good weekend, y'all!

Vitamin P

2009-07-03T15:24:00.003+03:00

Okay, unscheduled break over.

Sometime last year, I posted a message on an online forum, asking for the contact details of a (potential) professional contact.

Someone kindly obliged; but in a postscript to her message, warned that I'd need "Vitamin P" if I hoped to make any headway.

"Vitamin P?"

Israel, many argue, was built upon the premise of what we call in Nigeria "man know man": Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours back. In short, the act of granting favours and preferential treatment to either (1) people whom one knows personally - by blood, marriage, friendship or other, less immediately tangible connections or (2) People in a position to reciprocate the favour in due course, in short providing a reason to tilt a decision in one's favour.

Some call it nepotism; others, less kindly, describe it rank corruption. Everyone, apparently, refers to it as Protekzia or Vitamin P.

Why is it so prevalent in Israel? Who knows. My guess is that, given the heavily centralised organs of state pre and post independence, combined with a natural (?) dichotomy between the participants in successive waves of Aliyah and the differing "ethnic" origins of each wave, this was pretty much inevitable. You know: The Russians viewed the Poles with suspicion. The Poles thought the Yekkes, with their ties and jackets in the noon-day sun, insane. The pre-1939ers felt a combination of pity and condescension to the post 1945ers. And as for the post-1948ers from Norht Africa and elsewhere in the Middle East...

But that's off the top of my head. The point is, the prevailing belief is that nothing is completely straight in Israel, and that people habitually call upon ties of kinship and friendship willy-nilly in order to get ahead in life.

(Digression: One interesting fact I came across once was that, up until just before he left the Army for politics in the early 1970s, Arik Sharon was a card carrying member of Mapai/Avoda - the presumed pre-requisite for getting along in life and in politics, back in the day...)

Yesterday, the main newspapers reported that Alon Hilu, the winner of this year's Sapir Prize for fiction had been stripped of the award because of an undeclared connection; Yossi Sarid, the chair of the judging panel is an uncle (by marriage) to Hilu's editor, and furthermore had business connections with Yedioth Books, Hilu's publishers.

(It says something that this made the news, whilst the award itself was very scantily reported; but that's another matter altogether...)

Of course, responsibility lay with Sarid to declare the connections right at the beginning: the failure to do so caused this embarrasing affair in the first place. But I can't help thinking that more is being made of the affair than is necessary.

Let's, for the sake of argument, assume that Sarid did declare all relevant relationships at the onset. Would that mean that he should have been obliged to recuse himself from the judging process? I think not. The overlaps in certain areas of public society, in this country - Politics, the Arts, Public Punditry, Journalism and so on - are significant enough as it is, without taking into account the fact that, really, Israel is a very small country indeed.

But I'm not sure that people are that forgiving. The immediate insinuation is that Hilu's "triumph" (now turned to ashes, of course) was a result of Vitamin P: with such impeccable connections at the top of the tree, how could he not win?

Pity, that. Needless suspicion. Look at it another way: Another member of the jury, Ariel Hirschfield, has had similar suspicions levelled against him, this time for an undisclosed connection with another nominated writer, Ronit Matalon. In this case, the book in question was actually dedicated to him. Let's face it, it would be pretty hard to be more transparent than this. I mean, his name is on the bloody fly-leaf...

But then, who believes in transperency in this country? I guess everyone is just afraid of being stitched up, of being a Frier. Shame. Life doesn't need to be so full of suspicion.

Daughters for Life

2009-06-24T10:55:00.005+03:00

Every so often, something happens; a gesture or an action so utterly transparent in its authenticity, its genuineness, that it humbles us all, reminds us that beneath all the cant and rhetoric we still possess a human core; a core that respects, instinctively, the rights of our fellow man.

Dr Izzeldein Abuelaish is a gynacologist by training and a researcher at the Gertner Institute for Epidemiology, just outside Tel Aviv, as well as at hospitals in Gaza, where he lived. He was brought, painfully, to the attention of the wider world when his home was shelled by a tank during the Gaza offensive earlier this year. A Hebrew speaker, he had been interviewed several times by journalists unable to get into Gaza themselves during the campaign; he was telephoned by Shlomi Eldar just after the shell struck, killing his three daughters and a niece. The conversation was broadcast live to the nation on Channel 10 (the clip has English subtitles, if you need them), and for a short moment the abstractions of Israel's actions were crystallised, given human form.

Dr Abuelaish has set up a website in memory of his daughters, and as personal testimony to his belief that a peace can still be achieved one day.

"Every war has its symbol. Now that my three daughters are gone, I hope they will become the symbol of this war. A positive symbol that will strengthen the thought that one day we will reach peace."

www.daughtersforlife.com

Books etc

2009-06-22T20:51:00.004+03:00

There's a lot of stuff in the press and the blogosphere at the moment about Iran. Some of it is interesting, some of it is (I suspect) woefully uninformed

(here's a test for any prospective pundit, irrespective of medium: name five cities in Iran, other than Tehran. No? I thought not. Please raise your hands and back away from the microphone/television camera/computer keyboard slowly...)

..and some of it just plain wishful thinking.

Despite - or, perhaps, because of - 24 hours rolling news, twitter and citizen journalism, I'm still a big fan of old school journalism, writing and reportage: I favour research, consideration and cautious but informed assessment over hyperbole and the rush to get the account out first. I suppose that it's a bit like Chou En-Lai when he was asked, sometime in the 1970s, about the historical impact of the 1789 French Revolution. "It's too soon to tell," was his response.

Why do I think about this? Because, no doubt, in the next year or so loads of books - fiction and non-fiction - are probably going to be written about the antecedents, causes and consequences of the current spot of bother in Ahmedinajad-Land. Some of it, no doubt, will be well informed if a bit behind the curve. Others will be a long way behind the curve. And some of it will be as embarrassing as (to paraphrase my favourite book review, ever) catching your uncle wanking in the school playground...

One book about Iran that I suspect will be very good - and, since it was completed a while ago, ahead of the curve - is the forthcoming title from Ron Leshem, author of the excellent Beaufort. A couple of months ago, Leshem talked publicly about the book for the first time at The Studio. It isn't about politics per se; it is about the country itself, about its people, their hopes, their aspirations and fears...

(How did Leshem do his research? Clearly, visiting Iran is out of the question as an Israeli and a Jew, best-selling international author or not. So he did the next best thing and started off by making friends in the country. Thru' Facebook. So 21st Century...)

Anyway, the book, still officially untitled, is due out in August: another reason for me to work on improving my pathetic Hebrew. God, I hate being illiterate...

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Talking about reading and writing and speaking Hebrew:

Last week, I stayed up after my bedtime to watch the live presentation of the 2009 Sapir Prize. Often described as the Israeli Booker

(despite the grumblings of assorted types each year that it (gasp, shock, horror!) considers books impertinent enough to be [hold your nose] commercial successes [the best art coming from starving writers of course, etc etc...whatever]

...the award ceremony takes place during Hebrew Book Week. Generally speaking, it is a big deal. Or so I thought.

Anyway, after half an hour of trying very hard to follow proceedings, I surrendered. I was just about able to follow the compere as he introduced the five nominees and their books; when a classical actor type with a rich baritone started to read from each work, I acknowledged that I was out of my depth and gave up on the Hebrew language for the night.

Not to worry, I thought: the winner will be in all the papers the next day.

Not unreasonable, no?

Well...

Jpost - nada. Ha'aretz.com - zilch. Ynetnews.com - a big fat zero.

As far as the three main English language newsportals in Israel were concerned, the Sapir Prize didn't happen.

So I summon Mrs Goy to perform her wifely duty and check the Hebrew websites for me.

She did find out, but it took quite a bit of hunting.

How strange - I always thought that Israelis liked their literature.

(The winner, by the way, was Alon Hilu, for The House of Dajani).

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The consolation - if one can call it that - for trying to avoid being fucked over royally by Steimatsky's and Tsomet Sfarim whenever I want to buy a book in English, in Israel (these are the two big bookshop chains in Israel; they have an immoral - and I use the word without qualification or exaggeration - hold over the book trade in Israel) is that I get to spend more time in second hand bookshops.

Melchett Mike writes here about Halpers, on Allenby in Tel Aviv; there is nothing to add other than that I agree wholeheartedly. Excellent place...

World Refugee Day

2009-06-18T21:03:00.005+03:00

Saturday is World Refugee Day. Assafaid - The Aid Organisation for Refugees & Asylum Seekers in Israel (no functional website, unfortunately, but a facebook page here) have arranged an event at Levinsky Park in south Tel Aviv, just by the Central Bus Station. There'll be food, fun, information and the opportunity to learn a bit about one of Israel's invisible communities...

(actually, I'm told that the music is going to be pretty good - aside from dj Yano spinning Reggae, Funk and 'African' music, they'll be PAs from Asaf Avidan and the Mojos, Keren Ann and Alma Zohar)

For what it's worth, my opinion about the refugee issue in Israel is that it is lethal to pretend that it doesn't exist - and the relative silence in the media and from the charlatans in the Knesset, after all the hoo-hah last year is the equivalent of hiding one's head in the sand and exposing one's thinking parts.

Incidentally: Is there anyone that can tell me about the Vilna'i Bill apparently passing through the Knesset at the moment? I can't find any information about it (in English) anywhere...

Yitzak Aharonovitch

2009-06-17T08:00:00.002+03:00

...is a Member of the Knesset representing Yisrael Beitenu, and the Minister responsible for Public Security. Yesterday, he was taken on a tour of the old Central Bus Station in south Tel Aviv. These days, the derelict complex is the haunt of pimps, pushers and professionals - not a very nice place.

Aharonovitch was introduced to two undercover cops who had just carried out a bust. One apologised for his appearance - to fit in, he'd scruffed himself up a little.

Precisely what Aharonovitch said in reply depends on how you translate the word Araboush: Ha'aretz go for "Dirty Arab", whilst Jpost deescribe it as a "derogatory Hebrew term for Arabs": Ynet go a bit sensationalist, describing the the word as the "Hebrew equivalent of 'Sand Nigger' ".

In a sense, it doesn't mater how you translate it; no-one uses the word benignly, a point belated recognised by Aharonovitch when he issued a statement later, clarifying that the word was "uttered in a moment of jest", and "does not express (his) worldview".

I see.

One can't - shouldn't - try to control how people think: It's an exercise in futility. Perhaps Aharonovitch doesn't like the Arab population one little bit: there isn't very much that I can do about it. But as a citizen, he has a basic duty of common courtesy towards his fellow man, regardless of ethnicity. As a minister, as a representative of this country, as the minister responsible for public order, this duty heightens significantly. I do think that Aharonovitch's use of the term, whilst on official duties and in the presence of various radio and print journalists, is really worrying.

The argument about Yisrael Beitenu being full of out-and-out racists has been made many times before. Correct or not, the casual use of this ugly word - given the circumstances and his position - demonstrates, to my mind, the influence of their policies upon the broader public discourse concerning race relations in this country.

In case you think I'm being hysterical, consider this: Jpost point out that when a police officer used the same term, on internal police radio, to describe demonstrators in Umm el-Fahm, he was sacked by Avi Dichter - Public Security Minister at the time, oddly enough.

I don't think MK Aharonovitch is worried about his job this morning, skewered worldview or not. Do you?

Street Art

2009-06-16T21:28:00.008+03:00

A couple of pictures taken by my friend A during his visit to Israel earlier this month

I think this was by Kikar Dizengoff, on the old building that used to be a gym but now lies empty, forlorn. Technically, I suppose it is still a work in progress. Perhaps the horse was/is trying to get away from the artist...

Bethlehem.

The first thing our driver asked us was if we wanted to go to Manger Square (we did); the second was if we wanted to see 'Banksy'. It took a while for the penny to drop. We didn't, but he insisted, so eventually we allowed him to make a small-ish detour to keep him happy.

Sderot Rothschild, Tel Aviv. Answers on a postcard, please; I have no idea either. (I'd be pretty pissed off if I had to share my balcony, on one of the nicest streets in Israel, with three lumps of concrete; but then, I am a Philistine so that doesn't surprise.)

Neve Tsedek.

If you live in Israel and have basic Hebrew, you'll get it.

If not...

(nb - this picture does not in any way represent the opinions of the author, etc etc)

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Performance Art: Apparently, Bibi made an important speech the other night. I watched a bit of it, with the sound off. He had on a nice tie.

Seven Jewish Children

2009-06-11T07:34:00.002+03:00

...by British playwright Caryl Churchill caused an almighty stink when it was rushed out in the wake of the misbegotten adventure in Gaza earlier this year. 8 minutes long, it is an (emphasis on the indefinite article) account of key moments in the history of the modern state of Israel, from the perspective of parents looking for the right way to articulate their fears and hopes to their children.

The play started a huge furore, with accusations of anti-Semitism countered by claims of the right to free speech, including the right to criticise Israeli policy in the Territories in the harshest of terms. Ms Churchill relinquished all rights to the play, on condition that all proceeds from performances be donated to charities helping the victims of the Gaza campaign.

Now, according to today's Ha'aretz, the play is to be staged at Kikar Rabin in Tel Aviv as part of the Hebrew Book Week, a reading directed by Skype and telephone by Arab Israeli director Samieh Jabbarin. (To understand why he cannot direct in person, read this.)

A few thoughts:

Ms Churchill, it must be said, is loudly partisan (she is a patron) so far as the disputes between Israel and its neighbours are concerned. But then, so are many other people.

The play, frankly, has little artistic merit. (Personal opinion. May not be worth the proverbial bucket of warm spit. But there you go...)

Most people subscribe the principle of Free Speech up until the point where the person speaking freely starts to say things they don't like. I struggle with this myself. An example: I think the British National Party, like all other citizens and their representatives, should have the right to talk about the ethnic balance of the United Kingdom. I, however, do not want to hear what they do have to say because I find their views personally repulsive. (The fact that I am directly affected by their proposals for voluntary repatriation obviously forms a part of this response).

Rights - such as the right to Free Speech - are inextricably intertwined with Responsibilities - such as the responsibility to tell the truth. Most people ignore this when it is convenient to do so.

Staging the play is, obviously, intended as a provocation. I do not say this in a necessarily negative sense - provocations can useful, to shake people out of their complacency - but nonetheless, I am a man for reasoned argument over shouting, evolution rather than revolution.

My opinion - This play - and the staging of this play tonight - is shouting. The people who will oppose it being staged will shout in return. Many people will miss the opportunity to engage with the issues, and instead take sides to fit their personal prejudices. That's a shame.

(I think I've linked to a reading of the play in the heading to this blog. If not, I blame my technical incompetence, and I'll do it again later.)

And now for something completely different...

2009-06-10T08:19:00.002+03:00

Efrat Ben Tzur, Kol Yom

Feel the Love...Not

2009-06-09T14:37:00.002+03:00

This gem has been doing the rounds over the last day or so.

Let's be fair. These young charmers aren't capable of being representative of anything - not themselves, not their families, not the Jewish people - but even so, it does make for rather embarrassing, if not uncomfortable viewing.

On the other hand, one can't get anything insightful from interviewing a bunch of tired and emotional young adults. To present this as the word on the street isn't really fair, for all sorts of reasons.

(Perhaps I shouldn't post this at all. But it is the public domain, so...and I couldn't stop laughing at the fellow who calls Obama a faggot before suggests going to the White House to teabag him. A bit of a logical disconnect, perhaps?)

Video courtesy of the http://ibnezra.wordpress.com blog.

Whilst I've been away

2009-06-09T10:10:00.003+03:00

...all sots of interesting things have been happening in this little corner of the world.

There isn't much for me to add to the acres that have already been written about attempts to de-legitimise expressions of grief concerning the Nakba/Creation of the State of Israel, or Avigdor's new attempts to promulgate a Loyalty Oath, to a "Jewish, Zionist and Democratic State".

(Let's ignore the fundamental difficulty in defining at least the first two terms satisfactorily; what fascinates me is that Avigdor still hasn't conjured up a formula that would allow this nonsense to apply to the Arab population without affecting, say, the Haredi'im. But maybe it's just me thinking too much.)

Obama kicked his world tour by wowing them in the aisles in Cairo after choosing not to touch down in Tel Aviv en-route; in revenge, certain aspects of Israeli media go into a sulk and decide that since his middle name happens to be Hussein, then he can't be Good for Israel (thanks to the always engaging frgdr.com blog for this); and The United States decide to put the smack down by loudly, unambiguously and repeatedly declaiming that settlement activity in the West Bank must stop.

I suppose the only surprise is that Bibi has managed to talk himself into a corner so quickly. It is hard to say whether eight years of being spoiled by Shrub blinded political opinion in Israel to the obvious - that the status quo could not endure indefinitely - or that the politicos actually believed that the tail could wag the dog, that Israel was capable of dictating American foreign policy without reference to the domestic concerns of the American people,

(This leads to a seperate argument about the strength of the "Jewish/Israel/Zionist Lobby" in the United States. For what it's worth, I think that the supposed power of this lobby group, stating the case of a narrow but noisely right-wing viewpoint in Washington, is somewhat overstated. Unfortunately for them, AIPAC and Co. seem believe their own hype. But that's for another time, perhaps.)

...but I honestly didn't believe that this intellectual detatchment was really so engrained until I read this today.

Of course it is unfair to judge the tenor and tone of the letter without actually reading it in full, but I can't help but get the sense that Minister-without-Portfolio Peled is experiencing some kind of intellectual disconnect.

It is one thing to try and nurture "strategic" (i.e. partisan) alliances elsewhere; another to piss off the Americans by using the lots and lots of nice greenbacks with which they subsidise Israel to go and buy weapons and the like elsewhere;

(Personally, I thought only the hardcore elements in the Egyptian government were dumb enough to think this way. Apparently not)

...but it is, speaking frankly, absolute fucking insanity to propose an overt, albeit indirect, intervention in the domestic political scene in the United States. According to the article, Peled proposes "asking American Jewish donors not to contribute to Democratic congressional candidates. He predicts (gosh, he's a soothsayer too? We're not worthy!) that this would result in Democratic candidates pressuring Obama to become more pro-Israel."

Where does one start? The conflation of American, Jewish-American and Israeli objectives? Subscribing to the old canard that money, specifically Jewish Money, controls/is capable of controlling the political scene in the United States? Directly intervening in the domestic electoral affairs of a sovereign state?

Even if I didn't think that Obama was acting in the best long term interests of Israel (you may gather from previous posts that I am inclined towards giving him the benefit of the doubt; but that's just my personal opinion), going down this path is...well, words fail me. I really don't know what to say.

The next couple of months are going to be very interesting.

postscript: According to yesterday's Jpost, Israel Beitenu legislators skipped the recent Knesset vote on civil marriages. Given that this was a major plank of their electoral campaign, it does seem very odd. Or perhaps not.

(And where was I, you ask? At home, mainly. Mrs Goy went on a junket - sorry, conference - outside the country somewhere, so I was daddy day-care for the Small Noisy One for a week - poor him! Then a friend visited from abroad, and I spent most of the week taking him around the country. It's fun, being the tour guide for a change...)

The Sixteenth Sheep

2009-05-27T09:33:00.005+03:00

Given our dissimilar childhoods, Mrs Goy and I have the occasional argument about the best way to parent the Small Noisy One. I'm very much in favour of bunging him in front of the television and leaving him there until his sixteenth birthday; the better half is keener on "activities" and "enrichment" and other horrible things requiring commitment and participation from parents.

Mrs Goy argues that she is far better adjusted to everyday life than I am; of course, I dispute this hotly. At this point, she usually points out that I am picking my nose in public, or scratching myself, or doing something else antisocial...

But I digress.

HaKeves HaShisha-Asarah (The Sixteenth Sheep) was one of her childhood favourites; I must admit that anyone who had the opportunity to enjoy this as a child as opposed to the crap I sucked up on TV has a better chance of behaving like a well adjusted adult...

Originally a book of verse for children written by Yehonathan Geffen, it was set to music in 1978 by Yoni Rechter and recorded by some of Israel's best known musicians - David Broza, Gidi Gov, Yehudit Ravitz. It is truly delightful...

It has been adapted for the stage, and will be performed by the National Theatre for Youth as part of the on-going Israel Festival on the following dates:

Jerusalem, Beit Shmuel
May 30, 11 a.m.

Jerusalem, Rebecca Crown Auditorium
June 7, 6 p.m.

Modi'in-Maccabim-Reut Cultural Center
June 3, 5.30 p.m.

Here's a clip of the original performers singing HaGan Sagor (The Kindergarten is closed)

Translation (thanks to http://bridgestoisrael.blogspot.com)

Yesterday 5:00 in the afternoon,
I went with mom to the grocery shop,
And on the way we saw,
That our kindergarten is closed,

The swings are standing between the tall trees,
And the flowers are so short and without colors,
'Cause our kindergarten is closed,

Sleepy playing blocks,
Are arranged in the basket,
And there is no child there,
To make a tower out of them,

There is no kindergarten teacher,
To say what is allowed or what is not,
And all the books are arranged on the shelf,
'Cause there is no one to listen to a story

Jerusalem Day

2009-05-23T22:15:00.002+03:00

Despite - or perhaps because of - Bibi's rhetoric, one fact seems to have escaped quite a few people celebrating Yom Yerushalaim last Thursday: The city has actually been divided for quite a long time in everything but name, and despite the energetic efforts of the Ateret Cohanim.

I wouldn't be so presumptious as to expect anyone to take my word for it; but I do recommend reading this article.

"Possibly the most blatant example of this is the Shuafat refugee camp, which was included in Jerusalem's municipal boundaries. Here was an opportunity for Israel to set an example of how the Palestinian refugee problem should be dealt with. The whole area should have been rebuilt and proper housing should have been provided so as to obviate the need for UN services. But to Israel's shame the camp is still there after 41 years - a part of Israel. Like the Arab population in Jerusalem, it cannot be wished away."

The author, Moshe Arens, is still considered by many as the last of the original intellectual backbone of the Herut/Likud party; his views on Avigdor are not recorded...

Reading makes the world go round...

2009-05-18T13:57:00.002+03:00

Rachel Shabi is a Tel Aviv based journalist and author of the recently published Not The Enemy: Israel's Jews from Arab Lands. As the title suggests, the book considers the complicated issue of the integration of Israel's Mizrachi population, arguing that there was, and remains, a latent undercurrent of discrimination, sometimes bordering on upon out-and-out racism, directed against the ethnic group.

There's a link to an interview with Ms Shabi on Radio 4 here (Episode for 13.5, starts at 16:02)

Whilst the book has generally been reviewed warmly in the United Kingdom and the United States, not everyone is in thrall to her argument - see here, for one example,

(True, he does hedge his bets by saying that he hasn't read the book; but then, who ever heard of a reviewer spoiling a carefully constructed argument on the merits of the book by actually reading the damned thing?).

...but it does sounds like an interesting contribution to the continuing argument about the state of the State of Israel, and I think I'll look for it the next time I'm abroad.

The next time I'm abroad?

Well, broadly speaking, I've given up on buying books in English here. It is such an infuriating experience...

For example: A little while ago, I went to the largest bookshop in Tel Aviv, to look for a copy of this. One would thought that they'd have it, or at least heard of it; I mean, she only won the Sapir Prize a couple of years ago, writes (wrote? not sure if she still does) a column for Ma'ariv and just happened to have a short story published in the New Yorker a fortnight ago?

Had they heard of it? No they hadn't. In Hebrew, perhaps?* (Ms Hareven has written six books, after all) A dim glimmer of light in the forest, a lengthy computer consultation..."ah! I didn't know it had been translated into English!"

Isn't that what bookshops are for?

And this is without getting started on the obscene prices that they charge, even with the appreciation of the Shekel against Sterling and the Dollar over the last couple of years...

Perhaps I should stop whining and do something practical about it...

Tov. Back to work. Aluta Continua...

*Of course I'm not going to read it in Hebrew. I can barely read the Small Noisy One's books in Hebrew. I just wondered...

** Too many hyperlinks. I know, I know...

Things that have distressed me lately

2009-05-17T20:16:00.004+03:00

(1) Eurovision. But then, the pan-European paean to the garish and the outlandish has always had that effect on me, so nothing new there.

Contrary to wide-spread anticipation (at least in Israel), Achinoam Nini and Mira Awad failed to win. Didn't even come close to it, actually. Of course, the song was rubbish - but then so were the others, so I suppose that can't be held against them. I won't be cynical about the Israeli Broadcasting Authority pulling out all the stops - singing in English, Israeli-Arab and Israeli-Jew, etc etc - but somehow, I wonder whether the point may have been missed by the wider audience. Text I received half-way through the evening from a friend elsewhere in the world: "OK, Israel is on now...which one's which?"

Perhaps they should have gone down the traditional route and settled the Russians with bags of cash...

(2) Television News: Last Wednesday, this happened. A terrible thing to happen to any parent, regardless of the circumstances...

Next morning, Channel 10 report the story on the morning news. The report is accompanied by a clip. From a CCTV camera, of the moment when the mother finds her near-lifeless child in the car, rescues her and pleads for help from passers-by. The clip - which, helpfully, was repearted several times - profoundly disturbed me. Don't TV journalists get the whole issue of protecting the dignity and respecting the distress evoked by moments such as this? Can't they see the difference between reporting because it is in the public interest, and reporting because it is interesting to the public? The fundamental lack of humanity shocked me to the core.

Or perhaps I'm just being hysterical...

(3) Sri Lanka: The Sri Lankan Government's offensive against the Tamil Tiger Rebels/Seperatists/Terrorists has now reached end game, with the last few refugees trapped amidst the fighting desperately scrambling for safety and Tiger cadres apparently blowing themselves up.

The last few weeks have been particularly ugly, with claim and counter-claim about the numbers killed by indiscriminate Government shellings, whilst taking refuge in hospitals and supposed safe havens. The odd thing is, broadly speaking no-one really seems to give a flying fuck.

Example - the link above is from today's Guardian. The report has been compliled by two journalists; one, according to the byline, is based in Delhi, whilst the other usually writes for the Health Desk. Really high priority, no?

Actaully, this isn't intended to be a slag-off-the-Granuiad post. It's the same across the board. What distresses me is that really, no one seems to be bothered enough to actually find out what exactly is going on. I threw the question up in a previous post, in a slightly varied form: I appreciate the amount of interest that the shenanigans in this part of the world attract, but why here - Israel and the Territories - in particular, when there is so much similar shit elsewhere in the world? An acquaintance emailed me a lengthy reply, which included inter-alia a statement that chilled me to the bone: "At least they are killing their own people, it isn't at all like the situation in Palestine." i.e. They don't have a specific and evident factual difference to hang their differences upon, so we can't be bothered to pick sides this time.

Given that the Sri Lankan Government has gone so far as to deport journalists whom have failed to toe the party line - and I'm not even going to talk about journalists whom have been killed - I suppose it won't be long now before we get huge numbers of protesters and shoe-throwers outside the Sri Lankan High Commission in London.

Or perhaps not.

(Not directly related: I found this video on line the other day, featuring Gorgeous George, self proclaimed defender of the Palestinian people, making an arse of himself. Most unusual - he is usually full of articulate bluster. Anyway, it's worth watching, just for a laugh. As they say, with friends like these...)

The Child Vs The Fan

2009-05-10T11:13:00.008+03:00

Plaintiff: The Small Noisy One, age two and a quarter. Parented (and I use the word loosely) by Goy (The first defendant, see below) and the Feminist Mrs Goy. (Goy strongly believes that it takes a village to raise a child. However Goy prefers to live in the city and to allow someone else's village to raise his child. Mrs Goy's views on this matter are not recorded).

Defendant: Goy - Delinquent parent and all round reprobate. Father to the Plaintiff. A big fan of popular music.

Causa Belli:

Plaintiff: Tonight, the popular British beat combo Depeche Mode will be performing in Tel Aviv. Goy, starved of decent (and affordable) live music performances since relocating to Israel, secured two tickets to said performance in November 2008, and has marked off every day since then on a little calender, salivating in eager anticipation...

Judge: Get on with it, what's the problem?

Plaintiff: Ah. The problem. Well, your Honour, tonight also happens to be the evening of the Small Noisy One's Lag B'Omer bonfire at his Kindergarten.

Judge: Mmm...I see

Plaintiff: The Small Noisy One has been looking forward to the bonfire for quite some time

Defendant: Objection! I've been looking forward to Depeche Mode for, like, forever!

Judge: Speak when spoken to, thank you very much

Plaintiff: This isn't the point. The Defendant's duty towards his first born should outweigh his desire to engage in an evening of shouting, singing and drunken cheering. If nothing else, he gets to sing and shout whilst drunk at home most evenings.

Defendant: That's slanderous. I don't sing...

Judge: What do you have to say in your defence, Goy?

Goy: Well, I have an established love for popular music, m'lud...

Judge: Evidence?

Defendant: Exhibit 2, m'lud, below...
(A cross section of Goy's CD collection)

(Shouting from the Gallery: Rabbits, they multiply like rabbits!)

Judge: Please step forward and address the Bench formally

Mrs Goy: They multiply like rabbits! I turn my back for a minute and he has bought 10 more! He doesn't even listen to them! He just stands and drools at them...he even spends the housekeeping money on them! We'll starve, I tell you, we'll starve...

Goy (calmly): Which establishes the fact that I am a committed devotee and patron of the arts, your Honour. Besides, Mrs Goy is coming with me to the concert...

Mrs Goy: He told me it was free, your Honour! I took pity on him, poor wretched Goy far away from home...

Judge: Thank you, Mrs Goy, You may return to the gallery...

Feminist Mrs Goy: Chauvinist!

Goy: To contine, your Honour, Israel is a cultural desert, as far as the arts are concerned. Visits by esteemed international acts, by fellow goyim held in such high esteem in this country, are few and far between...

Judge: Do you have any evidence to support this statement?

Goy: I refer m'lud to a report in the Ha'aretz newspaper of Friday May 8th. I quote: "For their first concert in Israel, the band requested that the the crew prepare a juice machine and peeled carrots for them. They also requested honey and vitamin C tablets, along with vodka, wine and beer.."

Judge: Your point being...?

Goy: My point being that such level of interest in the minutiae of the arrangements confirms the rarity of visits such as this.

Judge: I understand that this...popular beat combo...have visited Eretz Israel before. Is this correct?

Goy: erm...not quite, your Honour. They were due to visit a few years ago, but the concert was cancelled because of the War.

Judge: Which war?

Goy: I forget, your Honour. So many wars...

Judge: (Sharply) Continue!

Goy: So I must argue that it would be a gross dereliction of my duty to myself, and thus to my family, if I give a bonfire precedence over Depeche Mode this evening...

Judge: (Peering over glasses sternly) A bonfire? Bar Kochba? The revolt? You dismiss this as a mere bonfire?*

Goy: No, your Honour...I mean...proud history...Jewish people...HaTikva...would not dare besmirch...(hangs head and mumbles. Senses that he is losing the argument)

Feminist Mrs Goy: (Screeching from the balcony) He's seen them three times already, your Honour...

Judge: Is this true?

Goy: Well, Crystal Palace 1993 doesn't count. I don't remember anything...

Judge: This is most irregular. Under the circumstances, I must say that I think that the needs of the Small Noisy One...

Goy: (Desperately) Your Honour, the tickets cost NIS 600!

Mrs Goy: NIS 600? And we're eating Falafel twice a day?

Goy: And, of course, there's the Grandmother...

Judge, Mrs Goy and Small Noisy One together: Grandmother?

Goy: Yes, she has agreed to take the Small Noisy One to the Bonfire...

Small Noisy One: Grandma...Bamba?

Goy: Yes, my son, Grandmother will have Bamba

Small Noisy One: Me want Grandmother

Goy: And of course, it will be a rare opportunity for Goy and Mrs Goy to spend an evening of quality time together, in the company of 40,000 other like minded people...

Mrs Goy: Aw...how sweet

Judge: You win. Enjoy Depeche Mode. But brush up on your Jewish History, ok?

Goy: Of course, your Honour...

*There are other competing theories about the origins of Lag B'Omer. But they are all religious, and I can't find anyone competent enough to explain them to me right now. And the Wikipedia entry is too long to read. So I'm sticking to the Roman Revolt...

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Ths is just an elaborate ruse to get out of working at the moment. But, sadly, I'm going to have to go back to work now. To pay for the tickets...

Hope to see you there!

Tav Chevrati

2009-05-07T22:20:00.004+03:00

This is the Tav Chevrati, brainwave of Jerusalem based charity Bema'aglei Tzedek (Circles of Justice). The self-styled 'socially Kosher' initiative works like this: Any restaurant that signs up to a uniform code of conduct gets one of these to hang in the shop-front. Essentially, they are promising to (1) treat their workers properly - pay them at least the national minimum wage, on time, and with everything else that the state says employers should give to their workers; and (2) offer reasonable access to people with disabilities.

The Kosher connection is that it is consciously modelled on the Kashrut system - one can make the decision whether or not to eat in a restaurant based upon whether or not they display the Tav. (Of course, you may want to consider the quality of the cuisine too, but that's not the point at the moment.) The system isn't perfect - yet - but has the potential to become a great way for individuals to exercise consumer power in a useful way, to influence important social issues.

Their website is www.mtzedek.org.il, and there is information - as well as a partial list of subscribing restaurants - tucked away somewhere (English, as well as Hebrew). Try it out if you have a chance the next time you go out for a bite - even by simply asking whether a coffeeshop or restaurant is aware of the scheme. I think it's a good thing...

Marriage and other momentary lapses of reason.

2009-05-05T21:13:00.002+03:00

A headline in the news today:

Rabbis urge Israel to limit foreign wives.
This line in particular made me chuckle:

"The authorities should apply restrictions to guard the honour of Israel's daughters," wrote Rabbi Nahum Gortald, the head of the tribunal. "It is inconceivable that a man leaves a spouse whose beauty bears the traces of time for a younger foreign employee," he said.

The other point - that any issue from a marriage between a male Jew and a female non-Jew would result, technically, in Goyim - was delicately overlooked in the report. I mean, it isn't as if the Rabbinical courts have a great history in standing up for the rights of slighted women, after all...

Then I found this:

Rabbi: Older bachelors must leave Jerusalem.
According to Rabbi Ya'akov Yosef - son of Ovadia, Spiritual leader of Shas - "Only a Yeshiva student who studies Torah has an exceptional permission (sic) to postpone marriage, if he fears that marriage might distract him from his studies. But normally, one must not delay marriage till after 20, and those who do had better leave Jerusalem and go study somewhere else."

Like Tel Aviv, that licentious cesspit of bacchanalian delights?* Where, heaven forbid, they might end up marrying some Shiksa from the Phillipines? I think some Rabbinical co-ordination is in order here...

(hat-tip - http://religionandstateinisrael.blogspot.com)

*I quite like Tel Aviv

DocAviv 2009

2009-05-04T16:17:00.003+03:00

...the Tel Aviv International Documentary Film Festival, starting this Thursday and running until the 16th of May.

A few (anticipated) highlights:

New York 1977: The Coolest Year in Hell.
A city seemingly on the verge of economic and social collapse, but a fertile breeding ground for the rise of disco, punk and hip hop...In 1977 New York City seemed to be on the verge of an economic and social collapse – nearly broke, plagued by violence and decay, terrorized by a serial killer. But in lofts, parks and dive bars, a new generation was exploring new styles and creating new sounds that would reshape popular culture everywhere. It was the year of Studio 54 and CBGB, b-boys and Talking Heads...

Say My Name.
In a hip hop and R’n’B world dominated by men and noted for misogyny, the unstoppable female lyricists of Say My Name speak candidly about class, race, and gender in pursuing their passions as female MCs. This worldwide documentary takes viewers on vibrant tour of urban culture and musical movement: from hip hop’s birthplace in the Bronx, to grime on London’s Eastside...

"I think the most beautiful music comes from pain..."

Pete Seeger: Power of Song
At 88 (he actually turned 90 yesterday) in his home on the Hudson, Pete Seeger, the idealist and peaceful warrior who aroused many around the world through his songs and political struggle, remains as modest as ever. In the 1950s he was the victim of exclusion and persecution for his pro-communist stance, and for 17 years he was blacklisted by the US commercial television networks, but stood fast by his views, continuing to preach about them and spread his message: peace, social justice and hope, by way of the tremendous power of the melody and the words...

Forgetting Dad
When father, Richard Minnich, suddenly and completely loses his memory after a harmless road accident at age 46 – his family of five children is destroyed. A body without a soul is in their midst, and doesn’t really make any attempt to find his former self. When his eldest son, the director, tries to find out what really happened to him, he gets all his immediate family and his father's co-workers to talk, and discovers to his surprise that the amnesia might not be an illness. If so, what about the psychological damage of those for whom Richard was dear? Does he remain the father when he isn't a father?

Long Distance
On the street corners of south Tel Aviv, stand, forgotten, public telephones, a reminder of the pre-cellular days. Every weekend, the phones come to life as migrant workers gather around them, taking advantage of the weekly day off to phone home...

Yebi

A 'blue and white' Troubadour, an anarchistic poet whose life was intertwined with the history of the state. Yebi despised materialism and focused on the love of fellow man and country, and all out war on injustice. In a thunderous voice he shook all those around him who wanted, or didn’t want, to listen to his cries...

At The Death House Door
The difficulty of being with someone about to be executed, in their last hours, made the Reverend Carroll Pickett secretly record on tape, his feelings and his conversations with the condemned. He accompanied 95 prisoners to their death, and in a slow process full of misgivings, he changed his mind, and became opposed to the death penalty. The dramatic change came about after the execution of a prisoner who Pickett believed was innocent; twenty years later, two journalists from the "Chicago Tribune" proved he was...

...but there's something for everyone, not just superannuated ex-lefties and incurable optimists like me. Full programme here.

Flag Protocol

2009-05-02T20:45:00.003+03:00

This is the flag of Israel. Pretty, isn't it?

Below, I shall attempt to describe a curious local custom, the ritualistic abuse of the Flag of Israel, which commmences right about now and lasts until just before Yom Kipur.

(1) Acquire a flag. This is easy. Most newspapers give one away just before Independence Day. One does not actually purchase a flag unless one is both an Olim and a Frier.

(2) Hang said flag from most visible upstairs window, balcony or other ultra-observable spot. Visible patriotism is the point behind this, after all. (Discount Johnson's aphorism about patriotism and scoundrels; this only applies to those who find the need to fly flags indoors, and to pose for photographs with said flag fluttering in the background. Here's one example:)

(3) Forget about the flag. Allow it to be browned by the bonfires of Lag B'Omer and barbeques of the long hot summer, bleached by the sun and buffeted by the Khamseen winds. It matters not. The Flag of Israel was designed to withstand all forms of abuse.

(4) In early September, realise that the line between passive-agressive patriotism and ritual desecration has not only been crossed, but obliterated. Remove rag-formerly-known-as-the-Flag-of-Israel under cover of darkness, wrap in an opaque bag and bury at the bottom of the communal dustbin. Curse the government and all its agencies (no reason - that's the great thing about freedom of speech). Vow to emmigrate to Canada or New Zealand.

(4) Repeat next year and ad nauseum, or until the Messiah arrives.

Rhyming Life & Death

2009-04-28T13:41:00.004+03:00

The siren caught me by surprise this time.

I was alone at home. My wife was at the cemetery, my son at school. I was at my desk, working when the mournful wail began...

I often wonder about how people mark moments such as this in private. Do they jump to attention, even though there isn't the risk of incurring a censorious stare (or worse)? Do they immediately stop whatever engages them, even it means - for instance - allowing water to gush over one in the shower as one counts down 120 seconds? Do they fart, belch and wilfully disregard the solemnities of the occasion, simply because they can?

Me, I thought about death. I thought about the families of the dead, the 22,000 men and women whom have died in the uniform of this country. I wondered many of these families might feel that their sacrifice was needed, necessary, and how many might wonder whether their loss might have been for nought?

On the television, the names of the dead roll past; name, rank, date of death. I once met someone who told me that he always tries to be close to the television at the appointed time, to see the name of a relative who died...

"Each year the time changes, a little or a lot," he told me. "If there was one thing on earth I could wish for to happen, it would be to know precisely when to look for (the) name each year."

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Whatever one thinks about the present prime minister, one must accept that whatever he says today at Mount Herzl, he speaks from the heart.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"You'll always find them side by side:/Never a groom without a bride."

It's a stanza from a poem that runs through Amos Oz's most recent book in English, Rhyming Life & Death. Essentially, it is a fiction about duality; black and white, night and day, ying and yang. About opposites, and the presumption that they must complement one another.

The juxtaposition of Yom HaZicharon and Yom Atzmaut - Memorial Day, today, and Independence Day tomorrow - puzzled me when I first moved to Israel. Now, I suppose, it makes sense; the narrative of Israel's history makes no sense if one fails to place the ecstasy of liberation against the sorrow of the sacrifices that were - are? - made to maintain this.

There will be another juxtaposition, of a different kind, of two opposites tomorrow - Israel's independence, and the Nakba of the Palestinians.

A not-uncommon opinion, on both sides of the fence, is that the one is necessary for the other; That the continued suffering of the Palestinian nation is a direct consequence of Israel's independence, or conversely that Israel's struggle for self-actualisation necessitated - necessitates - the subjugation of the Palestinian people.

I'm too cynical to believe that there will actually be peace between the two whilst I'm alive (Just so you understand, I intend to live for a long time yet). But I don't think the "Peace" - whatever that means - is a terribly useful concept any more, in this part of the world. First, try to live alongside one another without wanting to rip each other's eyeballs out. It's not impossible. But first, one has to learn how not to predicate one's pain upon another's joy. Or vice versa.

I'm not a big fan of dualities. I believe in looking for the spaces in between...

The sirens...

2009-04-21T11:32:00.003+03:00

...went an hour ago. For some reason, I'd expected them to go off last night at 8. I guess I'd mixed Yom HaShoah up with Yom HaZicharon...

I usually put my son to bed at about 8, and I'd wondered for a bit - hypothetically - about what I would say to him if he asked me why all the sirens were wailing. I'm not really sure. On a philosophical level, I'm not really a fan of sugar-coating, euphemisms and stuff like that. On the other hand, how does tell a small child about the Holocaust?

I say hypothetical because my son is two and a quarter, and the biggest thing in his life right now is In The Night Garden... But he will grow older, if not necessarily wiser; if not next year then the year after it, the question will no longer be hypothetical. And I do wonder, at what age does one start to talk to children about the fact that we live in a very unpleasant world? And in what language, in what terms?

A colleague of Mrs Goy was chastised by his son's nursery for bringing the child late to school last week, on the first day after the long break for Passover. They were going to start to talk about the Shoah, and it was important that he - the child - didn't miss anything.

The child in question is four and a bit. Now, apparently, he doesn't really want to go anywhere by train now because...well, you know the rest.

Of course, talking about the Shoah as a vague abstracts turns the whole horror into a pointless fairytale, with no meaning and nothing to be learnt from it. But on the other hand, I do wonder...personally

(and I accept that since I am not Jewish, my position on this can be interpreted as detached)

personally, I don't think that telling small kids, in explicit terms, about the camps and the murders and the death trains serves any useful purpose. I don't think they can engage with it in a meaningful way, and I wonder whether it doesn't intead become yet another abstraction, a sort of malevolent bogeyman under the bed.

I don't know.

I remember that when Roots was shown on television in England in the autumn of 1976 (1977? I forget), my mother didn't let me watch it. "Not suitable for little boys and girls," she probably said. That said, she didn't object when I started to read the source material, Alex Haley's book, a little bit later. Perhaps she thought that it would be easier to engage with the written word than the grisly imagery on the flickering screen. I'm not sure.

(I asked her why a couple of years ago. She looked at me as if I was mad and said that she had no idea what I was talking about. Typical parent get out clause. I must remember to use that on the Small Noisy One in due course.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Just after I moved to Israel, I asked someone how Yom HaShoah was observed. Was it like the Sabbath, with no work, no transport...

Nah. he replied. "No cinema, no restaurants, not much TV and Shlomo Artzi and Eviatar Bana'i on the radio all day."

Which misses the point a little, I suppose.

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Whatever one's views about the ongoing UN anti-racism parley in Geneva, one can't but think that to schedule the address by the Tinker from Tehran for the eve of Holocaust Memorial Day was...how to put this nicely? Fucking Stupid.

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A couple of months ago, I spent a week reading The Kindly Ones, by Jonathan Littell. It took me a while to form a clear opinion.

Thinking with my pseudo-intellectual hat on, my first impression was that my main problem with the book was that the detail - acres and acres of the stuff - was only scantily mediated by any sort of intellectual oversight. The book recollects - and, according to those who should know, quite faithfully, accurately - aspects of the Final Solution in astonishing detail. But it lacks - at least through the primary character, an odious bugger called Aue - the structure that would allow the reader to gain any insight whatsoever. The material, basically, is regurgitated onto the page, and it falls to the incautious reader to make of it what they can.

Then suddenly, it came to me. Littell, to my mind at least, has the abilities of an extremely diligent and energetic sixth former (12th grader), pouring the energy and obsession and libido and sexual dysfunctionality (aside from the graphic violence, the book has sex - lots of it, much of it enough in itself to get the perpetrator sectioned indefinitely) characteristic of an 18 year old pouring his heart and unrequited sexual energies into his end-of-year project.

In short, I think Liddell wrote this when he was a precocious teenager, then spent the next two decades looking for a mug to publish it.

Read it only if you have to, or if you are a fan of American Psycho. Me, I want my week back. And with interest.

I'm Lovin' It!

2009-04-16T17:24:00.004+03:00

I spent a lot of the last week, whilst away on holiday with Mrs Goy's family, talking about food. Perhaps this shouldn't completely surprise - I did spend a lot of time stuffing my face with variants of barbecued dead cow, after all. (I think family barbecues are such a civilised thing, don't you?)

My sister in law is secular, but for traditional reasons keeps a house free of leavened products during the Pesach. Mainly for the kids, she says. Jewish identity and stuff like that. Fair enough. As long as no one touches my Whiskey...

Anyway, we got to talking about the dietary restrictions during Passover - I've mentioned them before, here - and she mentioned how excited she was when McD's finally opened in Israel, sometime in the 80s.

"They sold Cheeseburgers!" she enthused.

And?

Cheeseburgers aren't Kosher, apparently. It makes sense when you think about it - milk and meat and all that - but it hadn't occurred to me until that moment. Fair enough.

(To put her excitement in context: McDonald's have an almost immoral hold over the impressionable minds of young children. I really don't know how they do it. Must be something about the colour scheme, that and Ronald McDonald. Also, back in the day, the delightful folks at the Rabbanut had a much more effective hold on the whole eating out industry. Far fewer places then that didn't maintain a Kosher kitchen. So, of course, McD's were seen as the [unlikely] agent of rebellion, of social change, of all things good to impressionable teenagers. Of course, one then becomes old enough to work for them...)

Nonetheless, McD's made sure to do their bit w/r/t the leavened products business during Pesach, by serving the Cheeseburger...in unleavened bread! The mind boggles. (Actually, it does make sense in a twisted, illogical sort of way...)

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McDonald's, generally, have something of an image problem. Not that this surprises me, personally - I had the misfortune to work with them once, many years ago, when I was young and impecunious and desperate for cash. Boy, was that an education...

(If you're interested in knowing more, I recommend the documentary McLibel. This was some time before Morgan Spurlock and SuperSize Me. Also has interesting things to say about the British judicial system, specifically in connection with the absurd libel laws within that jurisdiction.)

Anyway, understandably, they've spent absolutely oodles of money trying to overcome this, with concerted ad campaigns trying to prove that they are as wholesome as the next fella. Which cues a number of amusing tv spots. Here's one I saw the other night:

(The bit in Hebrew is the cab driver asking a colleague, "57, How do you say 'McDonalds' in English?")

They claim - and there is no reason not to believe them - that the salads are chopped only after the order has been received. Good for them. I still can't get over the fact that every evening, all leftover food is wrapped up, counted, carefully categorised and then thrown away*. It was almost enough to turn me into a Socialist. Almost.

*I'm not sure if this is the case in Israel, but it happened, and still happens, in the United Kingdom.

Where's Bibi?

2009-04-11T22:13:00.002+03:00

Binyamin Netanyahu (incidentally, did you know that his surname means, literally, God-Given?) has been uncharacteristically quiet since his ascension to the throne. Possibly, now that he has his hands on the glittering prize once again, he isn't entirely sure what he wants to to with it. Or what he'd be allowed to do with it.

Of course, the possibility is that with the most unwieldy coalition in the history of of unruly Israeli governments, he isn't entirely sure how to proceed without precipitating a collapse of the unlikely arrangement he has constructed around himself.

In a sense, one feels compelled - albeit not for very long - to feel sorry for him. After expending time, energy and his repotoire of dirty tricks to kick Moshe Feiglin and his Jewish Leadership faction of Likud into the long grass, he has actually run out of steam early, way too early.

Anyway, since Bibi seems to have little to say about what's going on inside his head at the moment, the next best thing for the enterprising journalist is to try and guess - a psychological assessment of the Man Who Would Be King, if you like.

One popular theory appears to be that to understand the man, one needs to know the father - in this case, the imposing figure of Professor Ben-Zion Netanyahu, 99 years old and still presumed to be the dominant - domineering, even - figure in his son's emotional hinterland.

There was an entertaining mini-spat last week when Netanyahu pere - surprisingly, and I'll come back to this in a bit - granted a lengthy interview to the daily Ma'ariv. The main problem was that it hadn't been cleared with the Prime Minister's Office; they tried rather hard to, if not actually sit on it, have final copy approval. I can't find a comprehensive translation of the interview in English, but some of the highlights are featured on the excellent Promised Land blog.

It wasn't that Professor Netanyahu said anything new or strange - he has advocated using the strong hand against the Arabs etc etc since time immemorial, more or less - but that even relatively trivial matters like this can upset the delicate centre right political balance one presumes that he is trying to achieve at the moment (i.e. the difference between sitting on one's hands and doing nothing, rather than ranting and raving and eventually being forced into doing something stupid)

On the Global Post website, there's an interesting write up by Matt Benyon Rees (writing with his journalist's hat on): "Netanyahu has crawled out all the way along the limb with his new coalition. If he can’t master his own psychological demons as Prime Minister this time, he won’t be the only one to take a fall."

This reminded me of a profile of Bibi in the New Yorker, from 1998. Given that I have nothing to do this week except eat and sleep, I decided to re-read it. Written by David Remnick - now the Editor - it is both entertaining and at times remarkably prescient. A few highlights:

According to Professor Netanyhu, much of the press in Israel is worse than Pravda, because in the old Soviet Union at least readers understood that the press was frequently lying. (Incidentally, Remnick refers to the press in Israel as being almost uiformly pro-Avoda, pro Labour Party. How sweet. I'm guessing that if I read this profile again ten years hence, the Israeli press won't remember that there was once a party called Avoda.)

"After his son makes a speech, Ben-Zion sometimes calls to correct a grammatical mistake. 'Bibi's Hebrew has gotten far better in recent years,' he allows."

"What Bibi has inherited from his father is a keen notion of Us versus Them..."

For a while in the 1970s, Bibi went by the name Ben Nitay (This was furiously denied at the time. Of course, with Youtube nothing is hidden these days: the Jpost managed to unearth some archive film of 'Nitay' a couple of weeks ago).

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Several references were made in the article to Bibi's brother, Yoni, who was killed during the raid on Entebbe in 1976. Back in the day when army service actually stood for something in this country - as opposed to, for instance, Ha'Ah Ha'Gadol (Big Brother) - Yoni was something of a secular hero. These days, I doubt if many people remember him. When I asked Mrs Goy to buy me a few books that could give me a sense of what modern Israel was like, his edited volume of letters was the first she gave me.

Bibi comes across, time and time again, as a loner, albeit one without sufficient emotional courage to back up his deepest convictions. The most interesting line in the Remnick profile concerns Yoni, and comes from Ari Shavit of Ha'aretz : "The brother was the one person he really loved. This is crucial, and underlies his loneliness..."

I think I'll read the book again when I get back home next week. If nothing else, it will make for interesting revisionist thinking (on my part, that is) a decade down the line...

Good night, and good luck.

You can leave your socks on...

2009-04-08T13:35:00.003+03:00

From today's Ha'aretz:

A 28-year-old yeshiva student was arrested late Sunday for the second time after undressing completely in a Tel Aviv supermarket with only a sock to cover his genitals, to protest the store's sale of Chametz during Passover.

Full story here

Of course, he may just be auditioning for a spot with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, like so:

(Obligatory digression: the original guitarist with the RHCP was Hillel Slovak, a native of Haifa. Slovak died of a heroin overdose in 1988, and was replaced by John Frusciante, who in turn picked up his own heroin addiction but is now clean, we understand. Incidentally, Frusciante is the author of the best album I've heard so far this year, The Empyrean. Go out and buy it, and support Israel. Indirectly. Or something.)

Chag Sameach!

And you must be the Nanny...

2009-04-06T21:35:00.003+03:00

My friend M is half Iraqi and half Polish.

Well, she's fully Israeli - obviously, born and bred here and all - but her antecedents are mixed, Mizrachi and Ashkenazi. Her father's family were expelled/induced/tricked out of Iraq in the early 1950s, I think. Her mother's family came here in the 1930s, before the unpleasantness with Mr Hitler.

Broadly speaking, there really isn't any reason for this to be of anything other than general anthropological interest to anyone in this country, in this day and age.

Uh-huh.

M takes her looks from her father's side of the family. Long lush jet black tresses, a strong chin and nose, full lips. Think Rita, but better looking.

M's husband is

(I'm assuming - I've never thought to ask him...now that I think of it, the only reason why I know for certain that N has Mizrachi antecedents is because she told me once about the trauma her family suffered when they moved to Israel, from a life of comfort and security to a fraught, impecunious existence...but that's another story altogether)

Ashkenazi. So naturally their first born, given the concentration of European genes, has lighter skin and hair than her mother.

Again, so what?

So this. A couple of weeks ago, M takes her child for a walk in the pleasant spring sunshine.

Now, Israelis can't resist children. They coo over them. cluck at them, ruffle their hair, share tips...generally, the Hebrew nation is collectively incapable of minding its business when it comes to small children. But usually in a good way.

Usually.

A woman stops to coo at M's infant daughter. After exchanging plesanteries with the baby, safely ensconed in her pushchair, for a moment or two, she straightens and addresses M directly.

"So you're the baby's nanny?"

Of course, the main problem with ethnic discrimination in Israel is that it is based on the entirely fallacious presumption that European, Ashkenazi culture is inherently superior to that of the Levant and Orient. Which, like many other sweeping generalisations, is wilfully stupid. Anti-Mizrachi sentiment has, in part, been supplanted by anti-Russian, anti-Ethiopian and other minority disdain, but it is still there. The scars have been around for a long time, and still run deep.

There's a wonderful quote in Donna Rosenthal's book The Israelis (not a bad book, although liberally sprinkled all over with nice sugar coating), related by an Ashkenazi woman after her first meeting with her Iraqi boyfriend's family. She "stupidly" commented that she didn't realise that Iraqi Jews had a developed culture; his mother shot back immediately. "Only for three thousand years, When our art and literature were thriving, your Polish ancestors were living in shacks, eating stale bread."

Ouch

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My sister in law's son has snowy blond hair and clear blue eyes. I call him Tintin.

Last Sabbath, Mrs Goy and I (emphasis on Mrs Goy) volunteered to babysit for a few hours whilst his parents attended to other matters. After a couple of hours, we both became stir crazy, and I decided to take Tintin for a walk in his pushchair.

We live in a quiet (too quiet!) suburban neighbourhood, and most people about in the early afternoon sun are either returning from Shul or taking peaceful post lunch walks. Quite a few peered in the pushchair, facing away from me, as we strolled past. Then upwards at me. Then back in the pushchair again. Then back upwards.

I merely smiled beatifically and walked on by. This must have happened at least half a dozen times in ten minutes. Only one person volunteered comment.

"He's not yours...is he?"

God, I love fucking about with people's minds. So much fun.

Tov, back to stuffing my useless face with Chametz.

The Sartorial Style (or not) of the 32nd Government of the State of Israel

2009-04-01T19:32:00.005+03:00

Back in the day, I made the serendipitous discovery that the inevitable hangover/comedown following a night on the tiles was best treated by a gentle morning in front of the television, drinking tea and watching the Parliamentary Channel on the BBC.

Now that I'm older and wiser, a sensible and responsible father and lacking the physical stamina to go out raving every night

(if you believe the first part of that sentence, you'll believe anything)

the need to bring myself back to earth gently with the aid of the soothing soliloquies supplied by Her Majesty's parliamentarians no longer pertains.

However, I still get the occasional hangover - or, as was the case yesterday, a monstrous case of jet lag, courtesy of El-Al's decision to overheat the plane I was trapped in on Monday night.

So mid afternoon yesterday, I did the next best thing, brewed a pot of tea and watched the inaugural session of the 32nd Government of the State of Israel.

Clearly, this wasn't a good idea, my Hebrew being what it is. More to the point, I've concluded that this Knesset is little more than an assortment of clowns and chancers - and I am being non-partisan here - and thus ought not be dignified by serious consideration.

So I changed my focus slightly, and decided to reflect on the dress sense of the MKs instead.

A brief summary:

Bibi - Resplendent in a tailored suit, spoilt somewhat by a disgusting spotted mauve tie. Interestingly, he wasn't wearing cufflinks. Perhaps he has learnt the lessons of his last stint as Rosh Ha Memshalah, or at least those concerning the acquisition of expensive luxury items (he clearly learnt nothing about the construction of a right-wing coalition); in any case, conspicuous consumption is so 2008, innit? His comb over is much more apparent/ludicrous - he should tell his barber to give him a Number One, like Tricky Udi. That said, his head is so big, he'd probably wind up looking like a Mekon. Perhaps not a good idea after all.

Tzipi - Smart two piece in black, with a white trim and set off by a delicate pendant. Seems to have had a haircut - flicking her hair much less than usual. Her demeanour, up until the moment she mounted the rostrum, seemed very much like the grieving, dignified widow at the first year memorial service following the death of the loved spouse. Once she got up, though, she transformed herself into something closer a professional mourner at a funeral, ranting and caterwauling without quite managing to convince. (If she thinks that this is how to provide a responsible opposition to the Government, Heaven help us all.)

Barak - Shoehorned into a suit clearly left over from his last stint as Prime Minister - several sizes too small, and cut from very modest fabric. Very proletarian. Sitting next to Tzipi whilst Tricky Udi (finally) said goodbye. Smirking as always, and somehow resembling a giant unsqueezed zit. One suspects that Barak is consciously modelling himself on Fu'ad these days - not just from his rapidly expanding belly, but also from the instinct to perpetuate himself in power at all costs.

Tricky Udi - Sackcloth and Ashes, naturally. That said, I swear I recognised a Montblanc on the table in front of him. Was not, contrary to popular expectation, led away in shackles. He'll be back. They all come back, eventually.

Benny (now, it seems, Binyamin) Begin - Last seen in these pastures a decade ago, when he left politics after realising that he no longer had a constituency to support him. Dressed in a modest, if somewhat elderly, v-neck pullover and open-necked shirt ensemble. Personally I think he's overplaying this 'modest servant of the people' card. No such animal exists in Israeli politics. Or perhaps I've become too cynical.

Shlomo Negusa Mollo - First elected black member of Knesset (REPRESENT!!!...sorry, couldn't resist that). Pissed me off mightly a while ago when he started to mumble some bollocks about differing standards of culpability for minorities in Israel, specifically citing a supposed precedent in England concerning the physical chastisement of children (In a past life, this was actually an area of expertise for me, and he sooo clearly had no idea what he was talking about...but I digress). Jacket and open shirt. Spent most of the time lolling in his seat casually, befitting what I would describe as an "off-duty playboy" ensemble. Actually, I suspect he has been watching British MPs on the Parliamentary Channel too...there was something just a little too forced about his nonchalance. If nothing else, MKs tend to spend their time hurling insults at one another...

Marina Solodkin - A delightful shawl. Somehow, this did not surprise me. She always struck as a woman with a plentiful supply of shawls

Shelly Yacimovich - What appeared to be black long sleeved sweater, well past its prime. She looked like a student. Or impoverished journalist. Of course, she was the latter...(not sure about the impoverished bit, but then, journalists are not exactly known for their sartorial sense)

(Digression - I was watching a programme on Channel 10 last night, presented by Nitzan Horowitz, now representing Meretz. It was about sustainable transport systems for major cities. He got to travel around the world, to the States, Brazil, France and Japan for the programme. Yes, I see the irony too. Anyway, ignoring the fact that he went almost orgasmic at the arrangements in a Brazillian city, he actually seemed reasonbably well dressed for a journalist. True, the bar is pretty low, but at least he didn't seem completely colour blind, which is a good start. I searched for him in the chamber, but to no avail.)

Haim "Jumas" Oron - Like a labourer in the fields. (Technically, this is inaccurate, since I actually spotted him before the session started, being interviewed for TV. Tough. I'm tired of this Kibbutz chic. The guy needs to smarten up, pronto. Next thing, he'll come to work in khaki shorts and sandals...

The person I hunted for, but failed to spot, was the former TV presenter (so NOT a journo) Anastasia Michaeli. Michaeli, an Olah from Russia and member of Yisrael Beitenu, is what is popularly known in the local parlance as a (no, I changed my mind. I can't use the Hebrew word. It is really vulgar, and [more to the point, actually] the feminist Mrs Goy will chuck me out on the street if I even attempted to adopt such phraseology into my fledgling Hebrew). Let's just say she is cute. And a snappy dresser. She is also heavily pregnant with her 7th - or perhaps 8th, I forget - child. Perhaps she had better things to do, in a maternity ward...

(Digression - Ms Anastasia has 7, possibly 8 children. She was born in 1975, which makes her 33. Even if she were orthodox - and she ain't - this takes some going. I rather suspect that she went into politics to get away from her husband. On the other hand, ignoring my juvenile sniggers, one cannot but admire a woman - irrespective of her politics - who has managed to secure a Knesset seat, given her other - significant - responsibilities.)

I'll stop here. I'd like to consider the current Knesset with more dignity, but frankly they ain't worth it. The lot of them. So I think I'll just laugh at them. As they say in one of the countries I come from, "If a man cannot cry, then he has to laugh". And undoubtedly they'll be opportunities for tears in the months to come.

Postscript: This Knesset, like others, has 120 members. Unlike others, however, it has 30 ministers. And 7 "deputy" ministers. Is it me, or does this sound irredeemably stupid?

Post Postscript: The best dressers in the Knesset, as always, were the representatives of Shas. Smart - but not sharp - black suits. Crisp white shirts. Subtle ties. Trimmed facial hair. Those boys are the business. In fact, in another world, I'd describe them as distinctly metrosexual

(Homework: Mizrahi Haredim are better dressers than Ashkenazi Haredim. Discuss.)

It's good to be back :-)

Abroad

2009-03-22T18:46:00.002+02:00

It's nice to get out from time to time. I'm out of the country. I'll be back in a week or so...

O Jerusalem, O Mores...

2009-03-16T09:36:00.004+02:00

Of the many problems I have with Jerusalem, I would put taxi drivers near the top of the list. Generally, a taxi ride leaves me feeling seething with rage, furious in the knowledge that I've been fucked over royally by a rapacious driver and impotent because my Hebrew wasn't good enough to do anything about it (funny that, taxi drivers are the only class of people in Israel, as far as I can tell, whom are disinclined towards speaking English to the linguistically challenged like me. Perhaps I should travel by cab more often...)

Anyway, I had a meeting in Jerusalem yesterday. No problem. I check the bus timetable on line, and figured out precisely which bus I'd need to transport me from the Central Bus Station to my destination and back. Couldn't be simpler...

As if.

We arrive in Jerusalem. It is pissing down with rain. I scurry from bus stop to bus stop, trying to find the right point to catch my bus. I can't find it.

I'm getting very wet.

I dash back indoors to ask the nice folks at the information centre where I can catch my bus. The queue there is long and static. I'm running late for my appointment. I dash back outside, swallow my pride and hail a cab.

To my surprise - no, to my shock - it was a pleasant experience. No, in fact, it was a delightful experience. The driver put on the meter without being asked. He took the most direct route possible. We had a nice little chat (in Hebrew; he did most of the chatting, as you can imagine. But I did understand him most of the time, and was able to make the right noises when appropriate). He showed me the sights along the way.

And he didn't try to overcharge me. I was so overcome, I gave him a tip...

Perhaps the key is to work on my Hebrew (mumble, grumble, why can't everyone learn to speak English for my convenience etc etc...)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A while ago, I read about this scheme, for catching up with the dog owners who allow their pooches to crap all over the place. I laughed. Using a sledgehammer to crack a nut, I thought.

Last night, I got back home from Jerusalem at about 7, wet, tired and exhausted. I approached the communal entrance to my block of flats, thinking about a hot shower and an early night when suddenly...I was flat on my back.

It seems that I slipped on a lump of dog shit deposited right at the doorstep - at least, that's what I deduced from the skid marks on the floor and the strange smell clinging to me. It's not the first time, mind; I marched upstairs swearing violent retribution against the perpetrator. Suddenly, DNA swabs seem like the most logical thing in the world...

A final word on "The Egg and The Wall"

2009-03-14T16:19:00.003+02:00

...aka Mr Murakami's trip to Jerusalem.

From the ynetnews.com website - Murakami slams Israel for treatment of Palestinians.

From ynet's report:

Murakami's visit to the Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial Museum prompted him to come up with the following insight: "I think that the State of Israel suffers from some sort of trauma. The brain tells them that excessive self-defense is not good, but their body spontaneously responds to the slightest of provocations."

And the response of the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs:

"The State of Israel is proud for having presented the Jerusalem Prize to Murakami and respects his right to express his opinions on current affairs. However, Israel regrets that the author, who is highly popular in Israel, preferred to adopt some inaccurate generalizations about the Middle East conflict, without knowing the facts. We would be happy if during his next visit in the country, the author would find the time to learn more about Israel and the reality in the Region."

Come on, I'm sure they pay Mark Regev and his mates enough to come up with something better than this...

Whilst on the topic of risible ads

2009-03-11T20:02:00.002+02:00

I've seen this gem pop up a few times in the last couple of days.

I guess it's difficult to be inventive when it comes to marketing Surface to Air Missiles. I mean, what else can one say? "Maximum damage guaranteed"? Or, "This product is certified as ecologically sound and carbon neutral. No trees were harmed during the manufacture of this missile"?

Have a good day.

Sexist - or sexiest?

2009-03-11T14:56:00.003+02:00

This is Bar Rafaeli

What can I tell you about her? She's Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend. She's from Hod HaSharon - which, I suppose, is as unlikely as Naomi Campbell coming outta Streatham. At the moment, she's probably Israel's most acceptable export.

She is also the star, it seems, of Israel's most sexist advert, courtesy of WIZO.

If, like me, you're a lazy reader, you may misread 'sexist' for 'sexiest'. If you are like me, you would then ignore the appalling syntax that the the use of 'sexiest' would entail and immediately plunge into youtube to locate this gem.

If, like Mrs Goy, you are a feminist firebrand, you'll still go into youtube, albeit just to tut loudly at the chauvinism of the advertisement.

I'm guessing that in any case, you'd want to see the ad. So, putting out of your misery, here it is:

Loose translation of the voiceover - The 'Bar' you'd always want at home: The Mi Eden 'Easy' - easy installation, easy service, easy preparation...(Mi Eden is the name of the campany in whose name this crap was prepared.)

Charming.

PC and advertising do not necessarily go hand in hand in Israel (actually, PC and Israel, generally speaking, do not go hand in hand; but that's another matter altogether...). Consequently, one occasionally gets the outrageous yet undeniably witty creation, like this one for a cable network's HDTV

But more often than not, it's just sleazy crap that does nothing but repel the viewer from the product.

That said, the bigger question for me, is this: What's wrong with tap water?

TTFN

Tractors

2009-03-08T16:30:00.004+02:00

There was an incident in Jerusalem last Thursday.

Why do I use the word 'incident', rather than 'terrorist outrage', perhaps, or 'understandable reaction to the continued oppression...' ?

I'll tell you why. This, from Friday's Ha'aretz:

Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat called for the demolition of Raydeh (the driver of the tractor, now deceased)'s home..."It was simply an attack meant to murder innocent people," Barkat said.

Hamas praised the attack, calling it a "natural response" to Israel's demolition of Palestinian homes in Arab East Jerusalem, and to Israel's military operations in the Gaza Strip.

Riyad al-Malki, Information Minister for Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas's Western-backed government, called the attack a "traffic accident," and demanded an investigation into why the driver had been shot.

One story, three narratives. Take your pick.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Today, my son's Kindergarten have their Purim party. He was so giddy with excitement, he could hardly sleep last night. He went dressed as a Lion, his favourite animal at the moment.

He will return home, his Mishloach Manot tucked under his arm. Following precedent and tradition in the Goy household, I shall relieve him of his burden immediately upon return from Kindergarten, since it obviously isn't healthy for two year olds to gorge themselves on chocolate and the like.

(He'll cry himself to sleep; such is life. Being a parent demands firmness occasionally. But don't fret. He'll have his revenge with one of these beastly objects...

(W/R/T the chocolate, I suspect I'm going to have a tummy ache tomorrow. Again. It happens every year. Will I ever learn?)

"Tranquila" at the Cameri

2009-03-05T08:30:00.004+02:00

"Tranquila", written and directed by Avital Dvory.
On at the Cameri in Tel Aviv on18/3, 23/4 and 10/5.

Worth checking out if one has the opportunity - I saw it at the Akko Festival in 2007, and enjoyed it very much. (If, quite reasonably, you don't trust my taste, I should add that the show won Ms Dvory the "Best Newcomer" prize at the festival.)

Best of all, if one is, as they say, linguistically challenged - as I am - the show relies largely on physical movement, mime and puppetry to communicate its story. Accessible to all...

A Confederacy of Dunces

2009-03-03T09:51:00.002+02:00

I was avoiding work/doing some online research (take your pick) a couple of nights ago when I came across this.

Basically, it's a briefing by Jerusalem Post journalist Khaled Abu Toameh for a bunch of reprobates brought on a junket (I editorialise somewhat, you may gather) to Israel by the American Jewish Congress a while ago. It's very long, but really worth reading in its entirety.

One surmises that Abu Toameh doesn't think that Israelis and Palestinians will be dancing the Hora together very soon...

(Ignore the Portuguese bit at the top of the post - I don't know what that's about either. But since I am nicking the fellow's content, I should at least be polite and say thank you)

Barack O-Bamba

2009-03-01T11:55:00.006+02:00

This is a packet of Bamba. Bamba, for the uninitiated, is a peanut butter-flavoured snack, much beloved of small children across Eretz Israel. If you're British, think Wotsits with more Peanut and less Cheese.

(The Small Noisy One, if allowed, would eat Bamba morning noon and night. He would also take a packet to bed with him, along with his guitar. But that's another matter altogether)

.
This is Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States of America. You may have heard a bit about him recently.

So, what's the connection between the leader of the free world and a bag of crisps? According to an acquaintance, a small child of six or seven had heard a lot of talk about the new president of the United States, and was curious enough to want to know more. So she approached her mother and asks:

Ima, tigidi li al ha Adon Barack Obamba - Mum, please tell me about this Mr Barack Obamba.

I like it :-)

I moved to Israel two years ago today. Time flies when one is having fun, no?

Harry Potter and the Protocols of Zion

2009-02-28T21:38:00.003+02:00

Living in this part of the world, it becomes very easy to slide into a partisan appreciation of the problems between Israel and the next door neighbours. Broadly speaking, I lean to the left; I can't say that I'll be the biggest fan of the incoming Israeli government, for instance.

That said, a half hour reading some of the more, shall we say inspired talkbacks on the Guardian website does wonders for restoring the natural balance; reinforcing the natural scepticism that comes from the suspicion/knowledge that pretty everyone with a vested opinion is blowing hot air out of their bottoms when it comes to the Middle East.

This delightful video below performs much the same function. The thing is, I thought it was a glorious send-up at first. Apparently not. Try to watch with a straight face ;-)

Land for Peace

2009-02-24T09:07:00.002+02:00

In today's Ha'aretz, quotes from an interview between Bahrain's Crown Prince, Sheikh Salman Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa, and British Television's Sky News.

This bit caught my attention:

The Crown Prince said Britain should work with moderates in the region and avoid adding fuel to extremists' fire.

"Work with the moderates in this part of the world, to work for peace, prosperity and stability," he said.

To settle the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, "you give up land for peace," he said. "Land that you haven't already built on. It can't be simpler." (Italics mine)

It may not be the fairest solution, but it's certainly the most pragmatic. But in the meantime, the hardliners continue to conduct the orchestras, pushing any hope of any resolution without extreme violence further and further away...

Waltz With Winslet

2009-02-23T10:28:00.005+02:00

So Waltz With Bashir somehow managed not to win the Oscar. Pity. It was, far and away, the best thing I watched last year, combining stunning visuals and an engaging narrative. Whatever Gideon Levy might think, I think it is an important social document, all the more relevant because despite the pretty explicit anti-war narrative

(again, whatever Gideon Levy might say or think. On this point, he's wrong, just wrong. If he wants to criticise the director, Ari Folman, for not speaking out about the Gaza campaign, fine. But that's something else altogether)

...it actually was seen - and talked about - by a lot of people far outside what one might consider the core left wing constituency for the film. The first thing to do in making amends with the past is to acknowledge that there is a past. And that Waltz with Bashir does, with honours.

Still, whilst an Oscar would have been nice, it doesn't require an award to grant it the seal authenticity or significance. Here's a short clip for the the two people in Israel who still haven't watched it, and anyone else who may be interested...(Absolute killer soundtrack too - it isn't every day you get to hear PiL anywhere).

However, the fragrant Kate Winslet did win - at long last - and for her 'Holocaust drama'.

?

Let me explain. A few years ago, she had a cameo on Ricky Gervais' excellent 'Extras' (available, btw, for free on HOT VOD - worth checking out) and...well, just watch the clip - with a healthy dose of British humour.

(Not related to anything - a couple of years ago, a heavily pregnant - week 39 - Mrs Goy attended a special screening of Ms Winslet's last Oscar nominated film, Little Children. As is the wont of pregnant women everywhere, at some point she needed to use the bathroom. On opening the door, she ran into - literally - Ms Winslet, sending her flying. Ms Winslet, however, was much more concerned about Mrs Goy, apologising for not looking where she was walking, although [knowing Mrs Goy as I do] she probably wasn't at all at fault. That's nice. You don't get Hollywood stars saying sorry to you every day.)

My Struggle...to park in Tel Aviv

2009-02-18T18:37:00.003+02:00

Laughing about Hitler is always a tricky business. Take the video above, for example. A mash up of a scene the excellent film Downfall, it is an extended rant about the impossibility of parking in Tel Aviv - and it is as bad as it is made out to sound, too. (Context: Rothschild, Ibn Gvirol and so on are major streets in Tel Aviv; Ron Huldai/Chuldai is Mayor; Petach Tikvah is a sleepy suburb about ten km from central Tel Aviv)

That said, not everyone sees the humour in using Hitler - or his cinematic avatar - as the conduit to poke fun at Tel Aviv Municipality. Noah Flug, the chairman of the Centre of Organizations of Holocaust Survivors, wrote to YouTube asking that the clip be taken down on grounds of poor taste.

It is often hard to gauge the precise line between acceptable and unacceptable humour. Often, what may seem funny to one person may come across as gratuitously offensive to another. The interesting thing is, there are certainly any number of Tel Aviv-is who would find this tickling. No doubt, they've (1) hunted high and low for parking spaces in the bubble and (2)[and I'm guessing here] have no immediate connection with the Holocaust.

What is funny is that this is a poor take on a completely unrelated mash-up of the same scene, concerning the British journalist Giles Coren. It's a long story that won't interest most people, but essentially he sent an...impassioned letter to the sub editors at the Times after they managed to cock up one of his pieces.

Infinitely more amusing. Mind you, I was with Coren on this one, even if his response was a bit over the top. I wrote a short piece for a publication somewhere once; the sub, through the inspired decision of dropping an indefinite article 'a' in the first sentence managed to reverse the thrust of the entire article and make me sound like a raving idiot. Like Hitler, actually. A feat I normally manage all by myself.

Right, back to the coalface...

Shahar Peer

2009-02-17T13:27:00.004+02:00

...was once the next big thing in Israeli tennis, but is struggling through a bit of a bad patch at the moment. Anyway, she was supposed to participate in a tournament in Dubai this week. But the authorities in the United Arab Emirates had other ideas, and declined to issue her with a visa.

There's a thoughtful piece on the issue in today's Guardian (Yeah, I know, Boo, Hiss. Whatever. Richard Williams, the author of the piece, is an extremely well informed and perceptive writer about sports and, occasionally, film and music; which is to say, he sticks to his brief and discharges his duties well, something that I cannot really say about the Granuiad's political commentary, domestic and international. But that's neither here nor there...). (Note: I'm recommending the article, not the talkbacks. As ever, when it comes to the Middle East, dear readers of the Granuiad are off their meds again...)

The issue of boycotting Israel rears its head time and time again, usually in the academic and cultural fields, and usually in conjunction with the cultural and sporting boycotts of South Africa in the 1970s and 1980s.

This is not the place - and I'm not the person - to talk about the validity or effectiveness of boycotts. But I am always a little bemused about the arguments put forth in favour of banishing Israel - and, more importantly, Israelis - into the outer darkness.

For one thing, the academic and cultural boycotts of individuals are, at their root, an example of collective punishment - the same thing Israel's most strident critics accuse it of perpetuating in the Territories. Yes, I know that there is a significant - vast, even - difference between a man denied his right to assembly, movement and so on on the grounds of "security" and a lecturer denied the opportunity to advance ones career on the basis of ones ethnicity, but it is the same principle, isn't it? Should individuals be held responsible for the actions of their states? And if so, at what point? Can they be relieve themselves of this burden if they disavow the actions of their state? (This may sound bizarre, but I do remember reading about a magazine in the UK that refused to cover an Israeli dance troupe, but suggested that they would reconsider if the troupe publicly disavowed the actions of Mr Sharon. I'm a bit fuzzy on the details, but I'll go look it up later).

For another, the boycotts instigated as a result of South Africa's Apartheid policy - assuming, for the purposes of this argument, that it is accurate and correct to equate Israel's policies in the Territories as Apartheid

(and on this point, I am genuinely astonished by the intellectual sloppiness of the people that do this. There is much - much - that is awful about the situation next door. People who know about these things, whom have seen and understand the impact for themselves, use their own words to describe it. Those that haven't look for nice catchy slogans to attach to the situation. The problem with this is that it isn't terribly hard to distinguish between South Africa's official policies to the black majority population after 1949 or thereabouts, and Israel's behaviour towards the Palestinians. And once this happens, the arguments become muddled and degenerate into rhetorical slanging matches that fail to illuminate or educate)

...the boycotts never sought to penalise individual sportspersons. South African national teams were banned from international competition; this was because they were segregated, full stop. Individuals, generally did not encounter this fate.

Anyway, bottom line is that Ms Peer missed the tournament. Which is a shame. Of course, she may have been knocked out first round...

Right, back to work.

Haruki Murakami is awarded the Jerusalem Prize

2009-02-16T14:48:00.005+02:00

...so I put on a nice shirt and my second best suit and drive to the International Conference Centre in Jerusalem last night.

Of course, it wasn't entirely without controversy - this is Israel, after all. The International Solidarity Movement had published an open letter to Murakami-San, suggesting that to accept the award would be akin to cheerleading on behalf of the Israeli Government. Or stuff like that.

But even this was all very muted, not at all like the almighty fuss that blew up last year when Nadine Gordimer was invited to participate in the International Writers Festival.

(Side issue - to head off some of the more pointed criticism, Ms Gordimer agreed to visit Al-Quds University to speak, with a small group of students, about the role of a writer in times of conflict. I tagged along for the day. Whilst waiting for her to arrive, I chatted with an engaging, if slightly impressionable young man. He wasn't entirely certain why he had been gang pressed into attendance - he was a business major, he explained, and wasn't realy a fan of literature - and was really crestfallen when Ms Gordimer arrived and she turned out to be...well, not black, basically. But that's another matter altogether.)

Of course, the problem with occasions such as this is that one never knows what is going to happen - not all media appearances can be stage managed, and I bet there were a few people wary of Mr Murakami launching into a passionate denouncement of the Zionist Entity before ripping the citation to shreds and...ok, I'm getting carried away. In the event, Murakami-San was extraordinarily gracious, making a witty (he described novelists as professional liars, before extended the category to include Generals, Diplomats and Politicians - with dearest Shim-Shim sitting not quite six feet in front of him - but he did have a smile on his face as he said this), generous (thanking the people of Israel for the high regard in which they hold his writing) and thoughtful speech.

"When I was asked to accept this award," Murakami said, "I was warned from coming here because of the fighting in Gaza. I asked myself: Is visiting Israel the proper thing to do? Will I be supporting one side?

I gave it some thought. And I decided to come. Like most novelists, I like to do exactly the opposite of what I'm told. It's in my nature as a novelist. Novelists can't trust anything they haven't seen with their own eyes or touched with their own hands. So I chose to see. I chose to speak here rather than say nothing."

Later:

"If there is a hard, high wall and an egg that breaks against it, no matter how right the wall or how wrong the egg, I will stand on the side of the egg. Why? Because each of us is an egg, a unique soul enclosed in a fragile egg. Each of us is confronting a high wall. The high wall is the system which forces us to do the things we would not ordinarily see fit to do as individuals.

I have only one purpose in writing novels; that is to draw out the unique divinity of the individual. To gratify uniqueness. To keep the system from tangling us. So - I write stories of life, love. Make people laugh and cry.

We are all human beings, individuals, fragile eggs. We have no hope against the wall: it's too high, too dark, too cold. To fight the wall, we must join our souls together for warmth, strength. We must not let the system control us - create who we are. It is we who created the system."

There isn't very much one can add to this.

I've never driven to Jerusalem alone before, and I spent most of my way their worrying about getting lost. I didn't, as it happens, but I did spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to exit the fiendishly labyrinthine car park at the convention centre on my way out. And I hadn't been drinking, either. Driving back, I listened to Ella Fitzgerald and Miles Davis and wondered why most things in life couldn't be so sweet, or so simple.

If you haven't read Murakami before, I warmly recommend The Wind Up Bird Chronicle, or Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World. Norweigian Wood, whilst very moving, isn't representative of his ouvre, and perhaps should be left to later.

Saturday

2009-02-14T17:29:00.002+02:00

A beautiful day, the first real day of Spring.

We decided to go to the park. Soak up some sunshine, shake off the Winter cobwebs.

Unfortunately, half of Israel had the same idea. Or so it seemed.

Eventually, we found parking space, a good ten minute trek from the park. Or more like half an hour, if you're trekking with a recalcitrant 2 year old more interested in dog shit (his favourite activity at the moment is to point at random dogs and shout 'Wow-Wow...Kaa-Kii' [Doggy...Poo-Poo]).

The place was heaving. Even the Small Noisy One was mometarily cowed into silence. Then he flung himself into the fray...

Whilst the Feminist Mrs Goy rushes after him, I sit in the sun and, apropos of nothing, try to decide whom amongst the throng voted for whom. I gave up after a bit, but only after concluding that the parents screaming the loudest at their children were Friends of Avigdor...

Mrs Goy, incidentally, voted Hadash - the Communist Party of Israel, a mixed Arab/Jewish enterprise. I am guessing that in the solidly petite bourgoise suburb that we live in, they probably treated her vote as a spoilt ballot and discarded it...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My sister left for London the night before last. She works, occasionally, as a freelancer or the BBC. Not in a news gathering or reporting capacity - although this did not stop an elderly relative of Mrs Goy from asking whether she (the Missus) could explain to my sister, as a representative of the accursed organisation, that the Israelis were not always the Bad Guys/

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Thie morning, the Small Noisy One awoke and announced that he was ready to go to Gan (Kindergarten). At 6.30. On Saturday. Tears and recriminations later, I very reluctantly agreed to drive him to the deserted location. Where he proceeded to stand, patiently, for almost half an hour before I managed to coax him back into the car and back home again.

This, to my mind, proves two things: Firstly, that the apple can indeed fall far from the tree (I was, at best, an indifferent student, with no enthusiasm whatsoever for all forms of education, formal and informal, from a very young age); and secondly, that my child clearly misunderstands the purpose of the Sabbath. Which may not be so much of a surprise. Some good Jewish education is in order, methinks...(first lesson: Thou shall grant one's father a proper lie-in on the day of rest...)
.

The trouble with Avigdor

2009-02-10T12:25:00.002+02:00

...is not that he is a fascist - although there are very good arguments in support of this - but that he is a demagogue and an opportunist and doesn't really stand for anything.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A conversation with an acquaintance, a long term Olah from Europe, this morning.

She - I really hate myself for thinking this, but sometimes I wonder whether Kahane was right

Me - (Jaw slapping against my chin)

She - (hurriedly) Oh, he was an odious man, no mistake about that, but you wouldn't remember just how bad it was in the 90s, with all the suicide bombings and so on. The problem is that the neighbours only respond to force. And that's something that Lieberman understands.

Me - So you agree with Lieberman's motto - 'No Loyalty, No Citizenship?'

She - (shrugging her shoulders) So, do you think that the Arab population of the country do not have any responsibilities towards the state?

I told her that, obviously, all citizens of a state have certain responsibilities that come together with their rights (this is a basic premise of Jusirprudence, but one which many people chose to ignore), but that the position of Israeli Arabs was far more complex than a simple slogan, and that Lieberman carefully avoids engaging with this inconvenient truth.

She - (Arms folded) Like what?

Me - Like the fact that Lieberman's slogan applies, in theory at least, as much to the Haredim as it does to the Aravi'im.

She - Oh...

Me - And, more to the point, Lieberman doesn't seem terribly interested in supporting some of the key pillars of the Hebrew State.

She - Like?

Me - Like civil weddings, for example.

She - Oh...

(She is religious, and believes in preserving the Jewish Character of the State of Israel)

(Digression - On the whole - and I suppose I can say this because I have no emotional or historical connection to Eretz Israel - I don't mind whether Israel is described as the Jewish State, or anything else for that matter: what does matter is how the state treats its minority populations, recognising that they deserve special protection because of their status.)

Me - And soon he'll order all shops to sell Pork on the Shabbat

She - Stop! You're pulling my leg now

On the last point, yes I was. But the trouble is Avigdor is that he is trying hard - too hard - to be all things to all people - the minority Arab population of this country aside, obviously. The parlous relationship between Israel and the neighbours at the moment has opened up a rich mine of anti-Arab sentiment that he is happy to tap into - but the bigger issue, one which I suspect will become exposed pretty soon, is that he doesn't actually have any solutions. This is all well and good when one is in opposition - power without responsibility, and all that - but once he enters government, something that is looking increasingly likely with the split vote betwen the major parties - he will have to either toe the line of the senior party in the governing coalition or, not to put it nicely, excrete where he eats.

The blessing - if there is indeed one - is that I doubt that the next Knesset will be a very long one. It will be impossible, barring a major suprise today, for any one party to build a stable governing coalition (short of the formation of a Unity Government, which I doubt will happen), and when things do begin to fall apart, Avigdor the meddler will certainly be at the centre of things.

Hopefully, that will mean that he will go the same way as The Pensioner's Party, Shinui and all those other surprise packages from past Knessets - into oblivion.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

One other thing:

Israel, broadly speaking, is a functional democracy. Democracy isn't perfect - as Churchill put it, it's the worst form of government, except for all the others - but it does try to give everyone a voice in how the country is run.

Sometimes, this means that the country will be run by people with whom one disagrees fundamentally. So be it. That is the way it goes, and one should accept these things with a good grace. If one believes that one's political ideology is the correct one, then the job is to convince others of this fact, rather than to force one's views open them, accuse them of stupidity or worse, or actively seek to subvert that basic principle of one man, one vote.

Do go out today and vote. But use your vote wisely.

Arrogance

2009-01-30T09:06:00.005+02:00

The Israeli Government can be astonishingly arrogant when it comes to security related matters, and particularly in connection with its treatment of journalists.

As far as I can tell, the general approach seems to be that

(1) They are a bunch of lying bastards;
(2) But we are going to present to them OUR side of the story, because it is the only side worth showing - however, we are either going to control what is disseminated, or be as obstructive as possible;
(3)and when they don't publish precisely what we want, we'll go into a sulk again and accuse them of being biased/one-sided/not getting the 'whole' story.

Journalism, from top to bottom, is a subjective enterprise, and it is inevitable that reportage is infused with personal opinion. Nonetheless, full unhindered access to the facts as they are is important: if one has nothing to hide, then there is no reason to be obstructive. The reporter who is selective with the truth, or unable to distinguish between opinion and fact will always be found out by the intelligent reader. (I think. Perhaps I'm being delusional. I haven't had my morning coffee.)

I say this whilst thinking about the Israeli government's decision not to let reporters into Gaza during Operation Cast Lead. Spectacular own goal. Created a story in itself, opened up all sorts of speculation. Perhaps served a purpose in the very short term, but became counter productive once the foreign new outlets found ways around it - Gazan journalists, citizen journalism on the ground, and so on. Modern communications being what they are, it is impossible to suppress information for very long, if there are people interested i disseminating said information

Al-Jazeera, the Qatar-based international news network, was one outlet who quickly found a way around this

(Slight digression - friends are always surprised when I tell them that Al-Jazeera has a bureau in Jerusalem, and reports freely - as freely as any other news network or broadcast outlet, that is - from Israel. Perhaps one is sometimes a little too harsh about freedom of the press in Israel. Perhaps not.)

...where was I? Ah, yeah, Al-Jazeera. They had people on the ground, and were able to report pretty constantly during the operation. No idea whether they are *biased* or not, since I don't receive the network on my cable TV subscription. But, either way, they provided imagery - some quite harrowing, disturbing - whilst the nincompoops elsewhere congratulated themselves for pissing off the foreign press corps in Israel

(another digression - I found out yesterday that there are 470 accredited foreign correspondents operating out of Jerusalem. This is incredible. What the fuck is the story here?

[yes, I know, I'm being slightly fatuous. But I still wonder why Israel and Palestine, grand population total approximately 11 million, attracts vastly more attention than, for example, the *Democratic* Republic of Congo, population 62 million, with more than 5 million deaths during the internecine wars that have plagued the country since the 1960s; or Sri Lanka, population 20 million, with a vast number of deaths and 'disappearances' a consequence of the long lasting civil war with the Tamils; or any other number of conflicts scattered across the globe. I don't pretend to have any answers at all to this. If you have any insight, do let me know]

... 470 foreign correspondents in Israel. Not counting stringers, local journalists who work freelance with foreign outlets, and so on. There are fewer accredited foreign correspondents in the United Kingdom, for fuck's sake)

...OK, enough on the digressions. Al Jazeera have now made available, under a Creative Commons licence, most of the footage shot in Gaza during Cast Lead. In practice, this means that anyone - me, for instance - can take this footage and distribute it, subtitle it, remix it and do pretty much as I please with it, so long as I credit Al Jazeera as the originating source. You can find it, if you want to have a look at it (and, incidentally, I think that everyone should - regardless of the rights or wrongs of Cast Lead, it is critically important that the population of Israel understands precisely what is being done in their name, then to decide if they are comfortable with it - ignorance is NOT bliss) here.

And in the meantime, the military/political establishment is still patting itself on the back for *controlling* the media, and will fall back on the old canard of bias and so on when these start to pop up here, there and everywhere - some use responsible, some not.

God, what a ramble. Sorry! Shabbat Shalom...

Energy Independence

2009-01-28T12:08:00.004+02:00

From Hasbara website Israel 21c:

Natural gas find could transform Israel's economy

Israel could be one step closed to energy independence after the discovery of "extremely significant" natural gas reserves at an offshore drilling site

By Karin Kloosterman - Israel 21c

Drilling for the gas will not be easy: the sea floor at the site is located more than a mile underwater, and the wells are covered by a mile of salt. (Photo courtesy Israel 21c)

Israel could be one step closed to energy independence after drilling companies announced the discovery of "extremely significant" natural gas reserves at an offshore drilling site in the Mediterranean about 60 miles off the coast of Haifa, Israel.

One massive pocket of natural gas is expected to contain more than three trillion cubic feet of natural gas, enough to feed Israel's energy needs for 15 years, lessening its dependence on foreign fuel. This is the largest natural gas reserve discovered in Israel, with an estimated value of $15 billion. It is three times larger than an existing drill site on Israel's southern coast, which is expected to be depleted in five years. Israel's National Infrastructure Minister Binyamin Ben-Eliezer called the discovery an "historic moment" for Israel.

(snip)

...

Delek Drilling's PR representative Shaya Segal told ISRAEL21c that it will take some time to understand the impact of the find: "First of all we don't have the full information," he says. "We just know there are great quantities there. In about two and a half weeks, after more tests are concluded, we will know more exactly what is there."

(snip)

...

But before the champagne corks are popped, analysts caution that further investigations at the Tamar site be made. They are also insisting that while the natural gas find will boost the country's economy for some years, Israel's future remains in high tech, not energy.

Dan Halman, the CEO of Halman-Aldubi Group, a mutual funds firm in Israel told The Jerusalem Post: "If the Tamar site opposite the Haifa coast succeeds in producing the significant quantities of natural gas predicted, we are talking about a revolution which will have an impact on the Israeli economy for the coming generations."

Personally, I would rather a gradual transition, as far as is possible/reasonable, to the use of non fossil fuel-based energy sources; but beggars can't be choosers, can they? Pretty much every one who has come to visit me in Israel has been surprised/impressed by the extent to which solar power is harnessed here (and the funny thing is that it isn't even as much as it could be - it is just that the rest of the world is so derelict in harnessing this source).

I mentioned the find to an extremely cynical, 'pragmatic' (i.e. in favour of 'territorial expansion' on security grounds) acquaintance a few days ago. Said friend snorted. "So, I wonder how long it will be before the Lebanese start to lay claims to the site?"

My acquaintance is wrong, I think. I hope. But this part of the world is pretty crazy, AND the Lebanese were making odd noises about their proprietorial rights to Humus a little while ago, so who knows?

Murakami in Jerusalem

2009-01-27T20:36:00.002+02:00

Haruki Murakami, one of my all time favourite novelists, has been awarded the Jerusalem Prize, to be presented during the city's International Book Fair next month. According to the website for the Book Fair, the prize is traditionally awarded to "authors whose writings have expressed the ideal of the individual's freedom in society". Which sounds like a fair fit for much of Murakami's work.

Murakami, an intensely private person - he actually left Japan to live in the United States for a while in the 1980s, horrified by the success of his bestseller Norweigien Wood - has been known to skip award ceremonies in the past, but has apparently indicated that he will be turning up for this one. Which is nice. I'm a bit of a groupie when it comes to famous writers, and I think I'm going to see whose arms need to be twisted so I can get a ticket for the event...

The BBC and the Gaza Appeal

2009-01-25T13:40:00.003+02:00

The Beeb are getting a bit of a kicking at the moment (again? Good Lord, Groundhog Day!) because they've refused to screen an appeal put together by (I think - can't be bothered checking) 23 aid agencies, contributing to the humanitarian work in Gaza. Their argument is that screening it 'would risk reducing public confidence in its impartial coverage of the conflict'.

Ignoring the fact that they've been shafted somewhat with this one - the main (commercial) terrestrial television channels and Sky initially took the same stance, before backing away swiftly at the first hint of trouble - it seems like a typically BBC mess, borne out of the fact that they try so hard to be all things to all people.

To explain: The BBC uses the word 'objective' to describe its news coverage a lot of the time. Objective, when it comes to journalism, is preposterous. It suggests that the reporters do not have, and are incapable of having, any opinion on the matters which they report on, but merely present the facts as they are.

Even if this were possible - and I'm not going to bother spelling out the subjectivity that comes from the personal interpretation - the thing is that the BBC editorialises all the time, providing commentary and opinion dressed up as fact. You watch a news bulletin - any one - and tell me if I'm wrong.

(Of course, they are not alone in this - fairly much every newspaper in the United Kingdom cheerfully blur the lines between commentary, opinion and fact at every opportunity. But then, they are commercial [not that this makes it any better, but it is an excuse] and the BBC are not)

But this is neither here nor there. It is fun to stick one up the BBC for all sorts of people, for all sorts of reasons, and they are really getting it now. I wonder if they'll back down?

Who should I vote for?

2009-01-25T11:15:00.001+02:00

No one, actually, since I don't have permanent residency and thus cannot vote in national elections.

Not that this matters. What passes for democracy in these parts is, frankly, fascinating, and I'll be paying more attention than is healthy to the electoral process here over the next couple of weeks.

A friend sent me this link this morning - I cannot recommend it too highly. Essentially, you answer a number of questions, and based on the political parties' public stances on the issues, it calculates whom you should vote for.

Apparently, I'm (or would be) Labour. Which was a bit of a shock. There I was, thinking that Israel Beiteinu was my natural home...

A couple of questions are loaded - for example, 'do you think child allowances should be reduced?', which takes on another meaning altogether if you are secular and/or anti-religious: anti Shas, in short.

But never mind. that's what democracy is all about - sometimes you get into bed with strange bedfellows.

Try it out. I strongly recommend it - you may get a surprise.

David Grossman

2009-01-21T09:31:00.004+02:00

(Technical incompetence on my part. Please click to read)

A few thoughts

2009-01-16T23:03:00.003+02:00

...following a argument last night:

"Humanitarian War" - The worst kind of hypocritical cant imaginable. An oxymoron of unbelievable proportions. Either the IDF had a reasonable idea of the consequences of the current operation and decided to proceed nonetheless, or it didn't and has thus proven itself incapable beyond belief.

"Deterrence" - An ugly word. In effect, it means, "this is what will happen to you if I catch you doing this again." It is a warning. A marker. A line drawn in the sand. To put it in personal context: I was beaten many times when I was at school, by housemasters, teachers and once, to my shame, by my principal. Each beating, for misdemeanours great and small, was intended as a "deterrence"; to dissuade me from following such a course of action again. In fact, it merely meant that I found new ways of being naughty. (The fact that I was caught again and beaten, repeatedly suggests that I was not particular inspiried in this path. Fair point.)
In connection to the current crisis: "Detrrence was a word the IDF used during Operation Grpaes of Wrath, the invasion of Lebanon, in 1982. The consequence was Hizbollah. The enemy merely becomes more resourceful, and I fear that will be the lasting consequence of Operation Cast Lead

Pacifist - On being challenged when I called myself a pacifist: Probably unfortunately, I am a bit of a realist and I recognise that wars will happen regardless of what people like me think. But I like to believe that there is almost always an alternative to gros violence, premeditated or not. I was told that since I claim no nationality, it is easy for me to take this position. That is correct. But then, perhaps it also means that I can (sometimes) avoid blind partisanship, which is what has dominated much debate over the last three weeks

Solidarity - Often an empty meaningless word, except if backed up with concrete actions. It costs nothing to go on a march and express one's solidarity with the people of Gaza, or to express solidarity with the armed resistance. Especially if one ain't the one doing the resisting. One can even safely avoid engaging with the complexities of the issue, merely by expressing one's 'solidarity'. Expressing solidarity does wonders for salving one's personal conscience, but not much else besides
(note - this writer is guilty of expressing solidarity, loudly and repeatedly, over the years. Often in completely contradictory fashion. He will probably do so again in the future.)

Sderot (and now Omer, Rafat and so on) - Won't live there, for love or for money. Even with bomb shelters, code red alarms and so on. Even basic, poorly constructed rockets (and these are just the ones from China). Why should I? Random rocket fire does not fall into my definition of 'acceptable risk'

"Disproportionate" - Weasel word, and one that suggests that there is a "proportionate" response. About six months ago, one of the crazies that pops up in Israeli politics from time to time suggested an automated rocket system in Sderot that fired a missile whenever one came in from over the fence in Gaza. In the light of the last few weeks, suddenly it no longer seems quite so "disproportionate" (note - I am NOT advocating this, or indeed any course of action. Please see "Answers", below.) The word "disproportionate" is used most often by those whom we expect to have answers to the foetid cesspit that is the relationship between Israel, Palestine and the military and political entities that serve their collective people so badly. I'm thinking of the UN, the EU and so on.

Hamas - Indubitably enemies of the Palestinian people. It is pretty easy to sacrifice others for one's cause, isn't it?

Journalists - There are more journalists per square metre in Israel than in any other place on earth. Tend to get on each others toes in search of the story, and get a bit distracted as a result. No other explanation for some of the bollocks I've read in the last few weeks, not even intelligent enough to be classed as partisan. Just deeply, deeply stupid

Peace - Not in my lifetime. I think there is an understandable, but misplaced enthusiasm for coercing resistant Palestinians and Israelis to love one another. Far better to accept that the hatreds run deep, and try to ensure that the next generation have less to fight over

Answers? - Don't be daft. I'm a blogger, and that's the beauty of blogging. Blogging - especially anonymous blogging - means never having to take responsibility for anything one says.

2009-01-10T21:40:00.002+02:00

One life lost is too many. It doesn't matter if the life is male, female, adult, infant, Palestinian, Israeli. One life lost is one too many. I wish people would stop keeping a scorecard, as if it makes a fucking difference.
If I never hear the words 'deterrence' or 'resistance' again in my life, it will not be too soon.
On the basis of current events, I assume that the Israeli Military establishment does not particularly care about the welfare of the inhabitants of Gaza. I also assume that the Hamas establishment doesn't, either.
I don't know why I bother with this. I don't know why anyone at all bothers with this. Even if I could articulate my thoughts clearly, lucidly and coherently - and I can't - they won't, to misappropriate a cliché, be worth much more than a bucket of warm spit. Or make much more difference than someone pissing in a thunderstorm.
I hope it ends soon. I really do. I don't even care about who is right and who is wrong any more. I just want it all to end.

Happy Holidays

2008-12-24T03:27:00.002+02:00

For a change, I've actually been trying to work this week. Following up contacts, phoning up publishers for review copies of books, sending off pitches by email. And I get the same response every time. "We're away for the Xmas Holidays...we'll be back on the 5th of January." Dear me. To actually forget that it's Christmas tomorrow is, to put it mildly, astonishing. We did put up a Christmas tree a couple of weeks ago, but it sits in a corner forlornly. Even the Small Noisy One ignores it now, although that's probably because we are terribly slack parents and still haven't sorted out his presents yet*.
I usually send Christmas cards to friends and family. Last year, I was way too disorganised to do anything about it, so I took a picture of the Small Noisy One by the tree (most difficult - he was far more interested in the tree a year ago, and strove mightily to eat it whole) and bunged it in an email. This year, I was better prepared, and actually went in search of cards to purchase. I asked the mother in law where she thought I could find them. "Steimatzky's," she replied, giving me the look she usually reserves for the simple and feeble minded. Not my fault that I assumed that Israel was genuinely a Jewish State...however, it wasn't that simple. The cards were either (a) disgusting (b) Russian or (c) both disgusting and Russian. An email with an updated picture will be sent round tomorrow, methinks...
It is Channukah, the Jewish festival of Light, this week. The narrative of the holiday revolves around a miracle involving a small portion of oil, used to keep the Menorah in the temple alight for 8 days whilst it was beseiged by its enemies on all sides. (Very potted summary.) By a sensible and logical extrapolation, this means that people traditionally eat lots of Sufganiot - Doughnuts - and Latkes - fried potato patties - this week. This I quite like. Most civilised cuisine (he says as he feels his arteries clog and his waistline expand irrevokably...)
Rhetorical question. Sufganiot, I presume, is the plural of Sufganiah - a single Doughnut. However, I have never heard the singular in conversation, or written, or used in any context whatsoever. Does this mean that it is forbidden to eat just the one Doughnut in a sitting?
There was a Chanukkah party at the Small Noisy One's Gan, his Kindergarten, on Sunday night. As you may imagine, it was fairly chaotic at times, with thirteen small children putting on a show in a tiny class whilst assorted proud parents breathed down their necks, shooting and snapping and tumbling other each other's feet...I almost had a heart attack when the lights were switched off so they could pass the first candle of Channukah around. Fortunately, there were no Michael Jackson moments...
So: 'tis the season to be merry, to be with family and friends, and to wish goodwill to all men and women on earth. Whatever faith you subscribe to - or not - please have an excellent Holiday!

*It was the Small Noisy One's birthday last weekend, and he received lots of presents. Far more than he would know what to do with. So, if we don't get ourselves sorted out this morning (rather, if I don't, since the Feminist Mrs Goy actually has a job to go to every morning), one could quite justifiably recycle one of these. New wrapping paper and Bob's your Uncle! See, we're not that bad...

Under the Rader

2008-12-08T09:23:00.004+02:00

Years ago, I worked - for the grand total of a day and 3/4, as I walked out mid-shift - in telesales, flogging protective wall coating that could probably double as a biological weapon to doddering old women, harassed parents trying to put their kids to bed, and people whom we believed to be soft in the head, but in possession of a valid debit or credit card.

Just kidding. About the biological weapon bit. Everything else is gospel truth. Anyway...

When I was recruited, I was conscious, if somewhat uncaring, of the fact that I had been recruited because I had/have what can be defined as a 'neutral' accent. 'British' base, but without any regional undertones. Clear 'Nigerian' inflections, but not so much as to allow anyone other than an expert to identify it as 'Nigerian' - not that there is any such thing as a Nigerian accent, but that's another matter altogether - or even, heaven forbid, 'African'. A couple of West Africans, clearly more confident and competent in thinking/talking on their feet, but with more pronounced regional accents, failed to make the cut after the initial 'audition'. I did.

If I had any scruples, this probably should have bothered me a little, but I needed the money and pushed my reservations to the back of my mind.

My boss was a Jewish guy from the area - this was in Edgware, North West London. We'll call him Haim.

Haim was a nice enough chap, very smooth talker, and was reputed to be the highest earner in the firm - we were paid (or rather, they were paid, since I walked before I was entitled to even a brass farthing) a minuscule salary and hefty commission.

After I lost my fifth - or fiftieth? - lead in a row, Haim suggests that I listen in on one of his calls to see how it was done.

The guy was a marvel. By the time he had finished, the dowager he was speaking too had invited him over for tea, never mind the fact that he had just sold her £400 worth of bio-terrorism. But what struck me was that he introduced himself to her as 'Jeremy'.

I had to ask him. Wouldn't you?

He shrugged. 'They're not going to buy anything from a Jew, are they?'

We Blacks, generally, are more occupied with the discrimination - real and imaginary - that we face ourselves in our daily lives, and I don't think that before this conversation I had ever contemplated anti-Semitism in anything other than the most abstract of terms. (Oh, this was long, long before I met the Feminist Mrs Goy). I was surprised, about his fears and his response, and said as much.

He grimaced. 'That's the way of the world.' And went off to make some more sales.

What made me think of this?

This morning, I recieved a call from a call centre here in Tel Aviv Central, someone trying to flog me something or the other. I was happy enough to practice my infantile Hebrew, but the person at the other end soon got fed up and indicated that he'd get an English speaker to call me back.

Sure enough, some fellow calls back a minute or two later, chap called Gilad. or Ehud. I forget. Good, masculine Hebrew name, anyway. Also broad mid-western American accent. One could almost picture the cornfields and long hot summers skinny dipping in the river in his voice.

We chat for a bit, the conversation comes to an end, and I want to make a record of it - in case I need to raise Cain about someone trying to rip me off in the future. So I ask him for his name again.

'Eric.'

'But I thought you said your name was...Ehud?'

His sigh was palpable. He explains, slowly, hesitantly, that when he tries to make sales in Hebrew, the moment he tells the potential customer his 'American' name, the sale is as good as lost.

Prejudice is an odd thing, no?

I have work to do. Have a good day.

A warning

2008-11-24T21:30:00.003+02:00

If you ever make the mistake of writing about books, in any capacity whatsoever:

Never - and I mean NEVER - read anything about the book in question before starting work - don't read reviews, for example, or pre-publication interviews where the writer helpfully explains what the book is really about, that kind of shit. This is especially important if you're writing a book review.

I've just spent ten fucking days trying to grind out a thousand comprehensible words about some wretched book that I have to review.

Actually, the book isn't wretched - I'm the wretch. I made the mistake of reading the fulsome reviews before starting to read the book myself. And now I can't quite focus my thoughts well enough to form an independent opinion of it. And, I want to be mildly unpleasant about it, but can't pluck up the courage to do so, especialy after the lavish praised rained down upon the bloody book from up on high. And thus, I feel like a charlatan, a huckster, a fool.

And, because I can't get the wretched review out of the way, I have a week of work backed up. And I'm only being paid tuppence for the bloody thing, anyway.

I'll finish it tomorrow, even if I have to rip my eyeballs out first.

OK, rant over, I feel better.

postscript - What has this got to do with a Goy's life in Israel, I hear you ask? Well, the review is for a Jewish publication. So that must count for something. And I wanted to - I needed to - whine about it. And, the review was commissioned partly on the basis of the fact that the book would be of interest to aforementioned publication's readership because of its Jewish theme. Which it ain't. One could substitute the supposed Jewish character of the book for Buddhist, or Animist, or Pentacostalist, and it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference to the narrative. One could, perhaps, describe the book as being gratuitously Jewish. But I need to find a way of injecting this...this...elusive, even transcendent, Jewish character into the review. Or I won't get my tuppence. Oy, vey zmir...

(post postscript - by way of analogy: years ago, I watched a film called Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Odd film. Set in Savannah, Georgia. With John Cusack and a peculiar looking Kevin Spacey. I think directed by Clint Eastwood. Never read the book, oddly enough.

Anyway

Long, pointless interlude involving some mumbo-jumbo with a voodoo priestess. Lengthy. Meaningless. Could have been excised from the film without altering the storyline one iota. That's how I feel about the alleged Jewishness of this book. But then, I'm not a Jew. Maybe I'm missing something. Perhaps I should ask the Feminist Mrs Goy to have a look and tell me what she thinks.)

G'Night

The new anti-semitism

2008-11-20T16:30:00.003+02:00

I like Christopher Hitchens, most of the time. He's the sort of fellow that would cross the road to get into a good intellectual scrap. It certainly took balls to be so contrarian as to pick a fight with His Lord and Master Bill Clinton when he (Clinton) was at the apogee of his political career. (Not to mention Kissinger, Mother Teresa...)

(Not so sure about his mutterings about Iraq, though. At least, his contributions to that messy set of arguments are far more insightful than those of, for example, his old mucker Martin Amis.)

But I digress. An interesting essay on anti-semitism here. Worth reading.